Questions Considered Gossip

From my view, our church was in crisis. The pastor's adult son had victimized our child and the police were involved, shouldn't people be asking questions?

Instead questions were considered "gossip" and the congregation bought that hook, line, and sinker.

One of the events that really bothered me was when the leadership decided to have a "Valentines Dinner" for the married couples.(about 1 month into everything) Of course, we were invited.....WHAT??....What planet were these people from? I just could not act as if nothing happened. My child was being interviewed by a sexual assault specialist, we were being interviewed by the sheriff investigating the case, we were being contacted by Patrick's lawyer, we were finding out more and more information about pedophiles and how they operate, we were being told that Patrick was refusing to cooperate with the state, and we were realizing that our leaders were in fact minimizing the sexual abuse of a child--our child.

Somehow during this I had the presence of mind to realize the best thing we could do for our child was acknowledge that a crime did in fact occur. That was the start of my conviction to really live this out. We were not going to pretend that everything was as if it was before the victimization of our child. We were going to deal with this now...in hopes of saving our child from a life time of "stuffing their emotions" and hopefully minimize the long term damage and hold that sexual molestation can have on an individual.

*From "Pretending Status Quo"

Something Wasn't Right

Early on, it became clear to Eric and I that "something wasn't right."After a series of attempts where we tried to explain to the elders our belief that what in fact happened was bigger and more serious than "just inappropriate affection." We were cautioned about gossip, becoming bitter, that is was wrong to listen to "worldly" psychology, and that we needed to get to a place of forgiveness (which in their interpretation meant immediate reconciliation with Patrick and our family) we knew we needed to break from this congregation and it's leadership.

This was the start of our isolation. Some would say the isolation was self inflicted. I would argue we were collateral damage that the leadership was willing to lose in order to save their church. To stand with our family would have meant standing against the Rojas family. The elders were "used" by Eddie Rojas BUT they had an opportunity to tell the truth to us and the authorities BUT they chose to stay silent. If the elders felt they needed to stay silent out of a biblical obligation, then why, within days after Patrick was sentenced (and protected from further charges in our case) did they break "privilege"  and tell a room full of church members that they knew detailed information about what he did to our child and that they didn't report it?

It has been said that we are the ones that are in sin....we are angry, bitter, and unforgiving....

I reject that! 

Culpable

Eddie, Kathy and an older brother, Jairus, knew of Patrick's pedophilia tendencies and kept it secret. I believe this makes them just as culpable as Patrick in the crimes against our family and his other victims. (Some of which are currently with Eddie Rojas in hiding.)

It is to this day still hard for me to believe that they knew yet still allowed and encouraged Patrick's interactions with our family.

As a condition of Patrick's plea agreement with the state, Patrick had to take a court ordered sexual psychological evaluation. These evaluations are very intense. Part of the evaluation includes a number of sessions along with a lie detector test and such.

We would not know until mid June 2007 the results of the evaluation. (Remember we reported the crime in January 2007.)

I remember the day clearly, the phone rang and it was the prosecutor, Kelly Montgomery, along with Eric on a three way call. She started by saying she had a feeling that Patrick was bad but had no idea just how bad he was. She stated that the 40+page evaluation she had in front of her was one of the worst to come across her desk in a long while.

She hated to have to tell us...... but needed to let us know that our child had been victimized to an even greater extent than we had previously known.

She read us the detailed description word for word of what Patrick had done to our child. She read direct quotes from Patrick taken during his evaluation. Part of his evaluation required him to take a polygraph examination. He had to pass the polygraph as truthful in order for the plea agreement to stay in place. This agreement protected him from further charges with any additional information pertaining to our case. The prosecutor went on to explain to us that our child was one of 6 victims. Also revealed to us, Patrick had taken part in bestiality, online pornography, and incest with a consenting adult sister.

If that wasn't horrifically, shocking enough she added that Patrick's parents, Eddie and Kathy Rojas, were aware of his pedophilia behavior which started around age 15. He was 22 at this time. Seven years of sexual deviant behavior kept hidden within the family. Numerous victims.

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." ~MLK, Jr.

*Parts from "What Eddie Knew" post. More tomorrow.

Emergency Meeting

*More from the original "Discovery" post.

I still wonder why we did it this way... I wish we would have called the police immediately. Hindsight, WE SHOULD HAVE CALLED THE POLICE IMMEDIATELY. We gave the sex offender, his father and the elders time to formulate a plan and reach out for legal counsel.

But instead, Eric and I found a friend's home where our children could go and called an emergency meeting with, our former pastor, Eddie Rojas (whom is the offenders father) his wife, Kathy, Patrick, and one of our elders, Jim Cameron.

In the meeting Patrick admitted to kissing the victim on the lips multiple times while the victim was asleep in their own bedroom. With the note alone and the victims "dream like" minimal memory, charges may not have  been filed on Patrick and we would have never known just how twisted and dangerous he is. But because there were witnesses of  his admission and specifically a "non partial" witness, Jim Cameron, the admission was taken seriously when we reported it to the police. The prosecutor, Kelly Montgomery, reviewed the case and had a "gut feeling" about this one. She took the case on personally. She normally takes on the more high profile cases.

A few other things came out of the meeting that I would like to make mention of....when we read the definition of a pedophile in front of everyone immediately Eddie Rojas reached over his wife and touched Patrick on the leg and stated "one time does not make a pedophile"....and our elder, Jim Cameron, stated that he felt the "world" is too quick to label someone. Jim Cameron felt it was more like "inappropriate affection" rather than something criminal...this was the theme the elders and the Rojas family stuck with.

Another thing that always bugged me and that stuck out was when Eddie stated that he could empathize with Patrick because when Eddie was younger, 22yrs old, he had a crush on a 12yr old girl and wrote her some notes and her parents found them and told him to stop and Eddie said he did.

In the moment I pretty much sat in a chair and cried most of the time. Mrs. Rojas didn't say a word until they were leaving she hugged me and whispered, "I am so sorry it's my son." There was talk about the Rojas's disciplining Patrick and that the elders and Eddie and Patrick would need to meet to figure out what to do. Eddie wanted us to know that he would take this seriously. No mention of calling the police and reporting that a crime had occurred because you know (and I say this sarcastically) it is only "inappropriate affection" and "just a kiss". (That was forced on an 11yr old child that was asleep in their own bed by a 22yr old man.)

Now try to imagine, we were sitting with men we respect, as our pastor and elder. We were in shock and disbelief and being fed that really this wasn't that big of a matter. Definitely one that needed more discussion between Eddie and the elders but nothing beyond that. We were told basically that they would be praying for us and to let them know if we needed anything.

.....more tomorrow.