Something Wasn't Right

Early on, it became clear to Eric and I that "something wasn't right."After a series of attempts where we tried to explain to the elders our belief that what in fact happened was bigger and more serious than "just inappropriate affection." We were cautioned about gossip, becoming bitter, that is was wrong to listen to "worldly" psychology, and that we needed to get to a place of forgiveness (which in their interpretation meant immediate reconciliation with Patrick and our family) we knew we needed to break from this congregation and it's leadership.

This was the start of our isolation. Some would say the isolation was self inflicted. I would argue we were collateral damage that the leadership was willing to lose in order to save their church. To stand with our family would have meant standing against the Rojas family. The elders were "used" by Eddie Rojas BUT they had an opportunity to tell the truth to us and the authorities BUT they chose to stay silent. If the elders felt they needed to stay silent out of a biblical obligation, then why, within days after Patrick was sentenced (and protected from further charges in our case) did they break "privilege"  and tell a room full of church members that they knew detailed information about what he did to our child and that they didn't report it?

It has been said that we are the ones that are in sin....we are angry, bitter, and unforgiving....

I reject that! 

Experience......

I thought I was done highlighting anymore of the anonymous posts but I really wanted to address a portion of one more comment that was posted on my Toronto,Ontario post.

"You have already caused him the loss of his job and many of his friends. What more do you want to do to him? Are you not satisfied? Have you not destroyed him enough? When will you allow Gods healing power to come into your life? The government isn't going to satisfy you, the destruction of Patrick won't satisfy you, only God can."

I did not make, cause, or influence Patrick to sexually molest six little girls. It is because of Patrick's own actions that he lost his job(by the way,good to know.) It is solely because of Patrick and his own actions that he has lost many friends.

Quite the contrary to what you are saying happened. My family lost it's community because of what Patrick did. My family has been emotionally devastated because of what Patrick did. To this day our family is walking a healing path because of crimes that Patrick committed. As I have said before, a tsunami was unleashed in my home,when Patrick chose our family to victimize. All kinds of people were caught up and hurt in the ripples of Patrick's selfish sick acts.Patrick is a master at what he does. He had been honing his skills for 7 years prior to the crimes against our child.Patrick destroyed his self!

I am only guilty of living out the pain that was caused by no fault of my own. Living this out doesn't feel good, nor does it look pretty.Call me whatever you want. Quote whatever scripture you'd like but I can't quite reconcile that the God I serve would want me to be silent. No, the God I serve would want me to shout out from the mountain tops when I know someone is a clear and present danger. Especially when I know their mode of operation. When I know their target.

"Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn."
~ C.S.Lewis

The insanity of how our church leaders handled everything, my first hand experience with being groomed and having a child sexually abused, my painful awareness that "the church" along with society do not understand the long term effects of childhood sexual abuse, going through the disappointing legal process, living out the pain of being the mother of a victim would all be for not if I couldn't share our story for people to glean from.What would be even better is if someone that is in Patrick's circle is able to protect their children because I shared our story.Because I told the whole truth!

Forgive him, fine. BUT DO NOT FORGET WHAT HE IS CAPABLE OF!!DO NOT LET YOUR GUARD DOWN!!

Thoughts

Why do some people minimize childhood sexual abuse?

I wonder if it because they don't really face it and consider in detail what really happens to a child.

I wonder, is it because they are offenders as well?

I wonder if it because they have other sexual deviant behaviors such as pornography and minimize sexual abuse to minimize their problem.

Do they not consider the instantaneous change that happens to the child that is sexually abused?

Why would any adult even consider keeping secret the abuse of a child?

Why with so many victims/adult survivors in our society are-our laws so lenient?

Why does the Christian community so easily allow these predators back into fellowship without much if any real safe guards for children?

Do you realize YOU ARE THE CHURCH?

This is one area where I see the world's standards are actually higher than the christian community. At least the world considers the crime of childhood sexual abuse/rape severe enough that the predator needs to be labeled and identified by picture and approximation of location and posted for the public. A lot of the church as we have experienced thus far feels the predator needs a chance to groom another victim by keeping their crimes secret all in the name of Jesus and the spirit of forgiveness. Am I the only one that believes that thinking is so not Jesus. The "church" needs to get REAL about this issue and protect the innocent first and for most. I believe that is what should be done in the name of Jesus.

Next to murder, I consider childhood sexual abuse to be one of the worst things in life for a child to endure.

Lies

All the lies. I think that most of what Patrick says is poisoned by past and current lies. Patrick and his family were hiding the pedophilia behavior and incest that Patrick was involved in for years. Patrick talks about his compulsion to masturbate while thinking about his minor victims in his evaluation. Patrick talked about a time period where he would do this multiple times a day. Would he be doing this before,during, or after church service? Would he be doing this after doing family devotions?

I know it is disgusting to consider Patrick's behavior but it must be faced! Currently, Patrick has individuals that are "supporting him in this season of his life." Christians. Season of his life? This is Patrick's life! The people that scare me almost as much as Patrick are the Christians that believe they are qualified to discern proper boundaries for Patrick. I am referring to the Christians that have no specialized training to work with a sexual predator.

Be warned, Patrick might be in your church, your college community, your bible study. He will be very humble. He will exhibit all the external appropriate behaviors that you would want to see in someone who claims to be repentant. Remember what I have said in previous posts, Listen to what Patrick does not what he says. He still hasn't gone to the state and named his 5 additional victims and accepted whatever charges the state would file. That alone should be alarming to any christian. And in my humble opinion, knowing that should blow all kinds of holes in Patrick's claims to be repentant and changed!