If someone asks him, ‘What are these wounds on your body?’ he will answer, ‘The wounds I was given at the house of my friends.’ Zech 13 v 6

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Giving all my secrets away....

This has changed me. Confused me. Not sure I have really learned anything from all of this yet. I am somewhat jaded.

I still try to put myself out there but find myself retreating regularly.

I am scared sometimes and feel empowered at other times. Sure of what I am doing and why but not sure what I will have to endure because of what I have chosen to do. Feel supported by some and judged by many. I realize that unless you have walked in my shoes you rarely can really "get it" or speak to it.

I have noticed that so many people don't really want to know the truth, they just want to live an uncomplicated pleasant life. If they knew, they would be accountable for their inaction.

All the things I thought were so vitally important for a "good Christian" life...maybe aren't so much, in light of so many other issues.

I know that no one can walk out my life so I need to. I want to be able to say that I did everything I could think of (within reason) to try and protect anyone else from being victimized by Patrick Rojas.

I hope for real changes in the laws that pertain to sex offenders. I am intimidated by the process of being heard. Wonders if people will really rise up when I ask them to.

Yes, three and half years after becoming aware that one of my children was sexually abused by our family friend, our former pastors adult son, in my own home, and that others had the power to stop the victimization yet chose to stay silent, I am still emotionally and practically dealing with the repercussions of all of their choices. I have kept moving but I am not sure that I am ever suppose to put this behind me, on a shelf in my heart and close the door. That is exactly the opposite of what I believe is to be done.

No comments: