Thursday, December 31, 2009
I just saw some photos on facebook from the wedding my family was invited to. The invitation to this wedding caused me to post about how I wished those involved in the crimes against my child would stop trying to make us a part of their lives. The photos revealed who else was in attendance. I am astonished that after all this time, that after all the posts I have written someone would find it appropriate to invite my family to the same intimate event as Jim Cameron and Dave Barrueto. These men were key players in covering up the gravity of the crimes against my child. They both purposefully withheld information from the authorities, mislead the church congregation as to the gravity of Patrick's crimes, and have continued in fellowship and support of Patrick Rojas. I also believe that these men knew of Eddie Rojas's plan to evade the authorities and helped him leave the state with his family. There are other offenses that have been outlined in detail in previous posts. I bring the above up in this post just to show the insanity of inviting all of our families to the same event. Why would someone even want men like these at one of their most special times in life? Unless maybe they also belittle what these men did and the role they played in the crimes against my family.
This is another example of how the families in this circle of people make themselves feel good by sending us an invitation. It's rude. It's flat out mean.
When I received the invitation, foolishly, I assumed that some of the main players of deceit wouldn't be in attendance if we were invited. It was still a hard decision as to whether we should attend or not because I knew for sure there would be some families in attendance that would be hard to see because of the role they played. Self preservation won out. We were not going to attend the wedding.
When the invitee was addressing the wedding invitation to the Cameron family and the Barrueto family and the Schneider family, did they even consider that my child, the innocent victim, would have to be around these individuals if we attended? Did anyone consider the REAL victim in all of this? Actions taken, once again, would indicate NO.
REALLY the invitation that was sent to our family was in vain. They can say with their words that their intentions were innocent and out of love and wanting us to celebrate with them on their special day. I would reply, "That sounds nice, but REALLY? Would you please just face reality?" Is it loving to just toss out invites to all when you know what was done to our family by specific individuals?
I think I am maddest at myself. I actually considered attending the wedding.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Song For A Friend
click the song title for the link to hear the song
"There are so few appropriate words.....and everything that I try to say ends up coming out absurd so I'm not ganna say anything to you....I'm just ganna stand by your side...I'm just ganna, hold your hand tight....I'm just ganna, stand by your side until it's through................... I could say that I love you a hundred times....then I go turn my back on you those words prove to be lies...so I'm not ganna say anything to you....I'm just ganna stand by your side...I'm just ganna, hold your hand tight....I'm just ganna, stand by your side until it's through.
There are so few appropriate words.....and everything that I try to say ends up coming out absurd so I'm not ganna say anything to you....I'm just ganna stand by your side...I'm just ganna, hold your hand tight....I'm just ganna, stand by your side until it's through................... I could say that I love you a hundred times....then I go turn my back on you ....those words prove to be lies...so I'm not ganna say anything to you....I'm just ganna stand by your side...I'm just ganna, hold your hand tight....I'm just ganna, stand by your side until it's through." An amazingly beautiful song I saw performed live by artist Kelli Schaefer.
This song expresses so appropriately how to be a friend in the midst of a crisis. Just be available. Be sensitive to the spirit. Be ready to be an advocate when appropriate.
I am so grateful for the individuals that have walked along side of me for the past 3years. These friends lived out this song. They are still by my side....holding my hand tight....and I trust they will see me through this....however long it takes.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
I was handed this quote from a good friend months ago....she warned me that it might be a tough one to read. It was. I read it and then neatly folded it back up. I have been carrying it around in my daily planner for a while now. Over the months I would occasionally run into the folded piece of paper with my name so nicely written on the outside. I am now in a place where I am able to have this quote open and facing me on a daily basis reminding me to open up. That closing off out of my pain will only kill me inside.
Monday, November 16, 2009
I have waited a long time to make a clean and clear cut and quit some friendships. I believe my decision is the best for all parties involved. Some of the best decisions I have made in my life have been the hardest to live out. I have holes in my heart from the loss of some of these relationships.
A friend recently made a comment that gave me a word picture of the reality of moving on: "I hope you can build a big callous over the pain that others have caused you so that it won't hurt so much." I like this so much because it is real. She is not saying. "Forgive and it will be erased." She is not saying, "Move on." She is not minimizing the raw pain. She recognizes that pain is part of my life. I have to say this has been one comment about moving on and forgiveness that didn't offend me or cause me to say to myself, "This person just doesn't get it."
I have chosen to let go and try to only remember the good parts of certain friendships. Certain meals I make, stores I shop at, and personal items that were gifts--they all remind me of the days with those friends, before the crimes against our child occurred. The times when life seemed much simpler. The times before I had to draw a line in the sand.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
I should be there to celebrate with you.
But I can't be, I just cannot be. Simply put, this is a ripple effect of actions taken and choices made. Mine included. If you love me, then let me go. Know that I wish your family well, but let me go.
In the last six months, I have had a couple of former friends from our former church reach out to me in different ways. And it hurts. The contacts are well intended but not very thoughtful. Read the blog. Look at my actions. We have had virtually no contact in months upon months. I am not in your life. I have let go. This is what I have to do to move on. I do not know what more I can say to help you understand.
If you know me, you know I am incapable of pretending and I do not think it is healthy to compartmentalize. It hurts when I allow myself to consider every event I could attend. Everything I would have helped with or been involved in if it were not for all the layers of betrayal. I was fully invested. I saw our futures together. It is what it is. I hurt and you hurt. You are dealing with it in your way, but I am asking, Please "If you love me, to let me go."
What can the average person learn from my current struggle? Maybe not to just pretend the elephant isn't in the room. Maybe that some things are so complicated and intertwined that status-quo is out of the question. Maybe that actions can have long term painful consequences that effect future generations.
Maybe simply that I am heartbroken over this reality.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
First to clear the air: unless you have been a victim or like me, have had a daughter and granddaughter sexually molested, you can not know the depth and breadth of the emotions I have experienced.
For the first six months after the 911 call was made by the Schneiders' to report Patrick, I was angry. That anger slowly built into a deep-seated, burning hatred. Hatred toward Eddie, Kathy, Jairus and Patrick Rojas. Hatred also towards Jim and Claudia Cameron and Dave and Becky Barrueto. Some of them had early knowledge that could have saved our family from this horrific experience. All withheld information which inhibited the counseling process for the Schneiders. All withheld information preventing the proper prosecution of Patrick Rojas for his crimes against our granddaughter. Because of their leadership role, the Cameron's and Barrueto's were able to get members of our church to assist them in hiding the Rojas girls from C.P.S. This prevented Patrick's other victims from getting professional Christian based counseling outside the influence of his family. This also has prevented Patrick from being prosecuted for numerous instances of sexual molestation committed against five additional victims.
The last few weeks I've felt my hatred lifting but feel it can only be purged by addressing Eddie directly.
To: Eddie Rojas,
How dare you use our three granddaughters as bait to test your son; that's exactly what you did.
One small act on your part (stopping Patrick from spending those nights at the Schneider's home) would have prevented the violations of our granddaughter. You knew Patrick had previously sexually molested at least two of his sisters. Months before your sons assaults of our granddaughter, Eric spoke to you about Patrick's regular e-mails to her. He told you it made him uncomfortable for your son to be e-mailing his eleven year old daughter. You knew Patrick was a pedophile and that he "had his eyes" on our granddaughter but you did nothing to intervene. You set our family up! PURE EVIL are the best words to describe YOU!
You, Kathy, Jairus and Patrick are equally and morally responsible for the harm done our family. Let's not forget that your actions also broke up our church congregation.
It is said, "bad kids can come from good families." After reading the copy of Patrick's psycho sexual evaluation my husband requested and received from the prosecutor's office, I know yours is not a "good family."
What kind of parents allow a known pedophile to continue to reside in their home where there are six minor girls? What kind of parents could allow that pedophile to babysit? What kind of father administers corporal punishment to his adult children? How many other monsters have you created?
The elders stated that you fled because C.P.S. would remove your minor children from your home and place them in abusive foster homes? Bull! Some say you fled to prevent Patrick, "a lovely, godly young man" from incarceration in prison. Bull, again! Kathy is still lying to people about the reason her family fled. Kathy states that their family is being persecuted for their religious beliefs. Bull! Bull! Bull! Your motives were much more selfish. I believe you left to prevent exposure of what else really goes on inside your household. Eddie, have you or any of your other sons sexually molested your daughters or your friends children?
Your family has left a trail of deceit and devastation.
P.S. My hope is that someone close to you will finally wake up one day and say to themselves "enough is enough," then they pick up a phone and call 911.
Friday, November 13, 2009
It hurts me more to be your friend than not to be. It's not worth it for me to continue in fellowship with you. It is too hard for me to separate you from the other people that you still choose to fellowship with, or the role you played in supporting the Rojas family or the elders. I realize how selfish this sounds, but I see it more as self preservation.
We all have made choices in this whole madness. I choose to separate myself from the hurt. Please just let me go. Do not feel obligated to invite me to any events. I prefer to grieve the loss of your fellowship and move on.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Jairus, I would trade all the handy work you did around our home, your painting skills, the weeding you did for us, if you would have just stopped your brother Patrick from hanging around our family. I would trade it all if you would have just intervened and thwarted Patrick's plan of staying the night at our home. You knew!
General congregation members....I would trade all the meals, times at your homes, child care, financial help, homeschooling help, personal encouragement, holiday gatherings with you, if you would have taken a stand for our family. If you had cut off relationships with the guilty parties once you knew the truth. If you hadn't joined the elders in the cover-up of the truth. If you would recant your letters of reference for an admitted sex offender who victimized my own child.
All the good deeds seem rotten now.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Now what? I am wondering if it is still beneficial for me to continue to process through my struggles and healing on this public blog or if I should just continue the process in my small circle of friends. I am wondering if my process is helpful for the people reading this or if it is just another blog to follow. I am asking to hear from you.
You can simply click on the "This post was helpful" box at the bottom of the post or make a comment. Some individuals have told me they are having trouble posting comments, if you post anonymous I believe that eliminates any issues. If you want to be known just add your name in the comment portion.
Monday, November 9, 2009
We were connected with this congregation for five-plus years. My older children were around six and eight years old when we started attending that church. We also had a two-year-old and a newborn. I then went on to have two more children while still attending this church.
With that said, a lot of family traditions were established during this time. Our family was continuing to grow and change. Many memories are intertwined with the Rojas family itself and other members of the congregation that we really don't fellowship with anymore. Church itself has such a negative connotation because of our story.
I start having a harder time around the end of October, as we enter all the traditions of the holiday season. How do I reflect and remember my family's life and traditions and separate out the individuals associated with the memories? This is so hard! I don't want to throw the baby out with the bath water....
Saturday, November 7, 2009
I feel like I had some sort of a breakthrough this week.
I appreciate that forgiveness takes time. I can appreciate that forgiveness is between myself and God. I understand that forgiveness is required by God. I understand that I am a sinner and that I was forgiven by God. But I tangibly struggle with the idea of forgiveness. If I still feel pain, if I still want justice, if I still get physically ill when specific individuals are mentioned, how can that be forgiveness?
In my conversation with my friend, something particularly resonated with me: the thought that yes, without a doubt, I need to work out the whole forgiveness issue with God. But the negative feelings that I have--the thoughts that come to mind when I consider what happened to our family, the thoughts about what Patrick did, the thoughts that come to mind when I realize Eddie is still in hiding, and the thoughts about all the other individuals that we loved and trusted that were involved in the betrayal--those feelings are righteous anger.
That righteous anger has a purpose. I think I'm learning to be OK with that.
Friday, November 6, 2009
What do I do with all of this?
Breathe in...breathe out...I wish if I just spoke the words, "I forgive," all the memories, all the conversations, and all the hurt would be gone. Alas, it's all still there. It does not consume my every thought anymore, but it does continually affect me in my daily life.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Forgiveness for Patrick feels to me like I am letting him off the hook. I will never forget what Patrick did to my child, or the tidal wave of change that resulted from his act. I cannot fathom ever wishing anything good for Patrick. I do pray that Patrick doesn't have the chance to ever victimize another child. Does that count?
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Current unimaginable real life story about Anthony Sowell, convicted rapist arrested with 10 decaying bodies in his Cleveland home.....By Ethan Sacks
Monday, November 2, 2009
Trust is given away easily by some. Others need time in order to gain trust. When I extend trust, there is always this little voice in the back of my head recounting all the reasons the Rojas family seemed trustworthy.
When you say to yourself, "so and so is trustworthy for this reason or that reason" well, I could probably apply that very same reason to the Rojas family. By all accounts, appearances and reputation, the Rojas family was trustworthy. They seemed honest, God-fearing, hardworking, generous with time and gifts, loyal, kind and thoughtful. What was not to like or trust about them? I was so completely deceived and betrayed by numerous individuals in the Rojas family. It makes me wonder if I am forever jaded by their ability to appear to be so completely one way, yet be something so completely different. What do I do with that?
After my own experiences as a child and after what happened to my family from within the Christian community, I don't even know what healing in this area would look like. Is this just who I am now?
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
I am glad my family has cut almost all the ties with the families from our former church. I know this is hard for some individuals to understand. I know some individuals interpret our separation as hardened, bitter hearts. But those who know us well understand and see the wisdom in the separation. I needed to be free from some of the misguided mindsets. I needed to be free to live out my pain with those who would support me. I needed not to hear about others fellowshipping with people that devastated me by their words, actions, or non-actions.
I am glad we live in a different area now. I am glad for the fresh start in a community, even though it is hard to start over. I am glad my family can start anew. I like to think I won't run into anyone from our former church on our side of the bridge.
I am glad that I have individuals both known and anonymous encouraging me, even thanking me for this blog.
I am glad that the readers of this blog are taking Our Story seriously and forwarding the information on to others. That people all over our country and some abroad are on the lookout for Eddie and Kathy Rojas and their family.
I am glad that God is in control. I am glad to write this blog and bring awareness and understanding as to the effects of childhood sexual abuse. I know I am to use this venue as a way to locate Francis Edward Rojas.
I am glad to know I do not need to make anything happen myself.....God is working.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Eddie has a tight control on his family. Pray for the release of the minds of the adults in the Rojas family!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Kathy is an adult. Kathy is intelligent. Kathy runs the family home. Kathy most likely has hours in a day when Eddie is not at home, where she could flee with the children. Kathy could make an anonymous phone call to the police.
I believe Kathy is emotionally trapped. I don't even know if Kathy realizes that she is trapped. Kathy is an adult survivor of severe childhood sexual abuse. My opinion is that Kathy is paralyzed by a combination of things: Eddies controlling nature, Kathy's twisted biblical views, and Kathy's personal history of childhood sexual abuse. For the sake of her daughters, I pray she finds the courage to break out.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
What monetary value do you put on betrayal?
Do we count the time Eric took off work to help his family cope emotionally? Do we count his time off work for court dates, or for his therapy to deal with the anger this caused him?
What about my therapy?
What about the therapy for the child that was used to gain access to the victim?
How do we predict future costs of therapy for our child?
Do we consider our moving cost?
What monetary value do we put on a loss of community?
What monetary value do we put on anxiety?
What monetary value do we put on the negative impact this had on my other children?
I am not talking about an inanimate object being broken and the restitution to replace it. I am not talking about a knee injury that occurred in a negligent automobile accident needing restitution.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
“I am sorry to think that you do not get a man's most effective criticism until you provoke him. Severe truth is expressed with some bitterness.”~Henry David ThoreauWhen I heard that Benjamin P. Rojas (DOB 9/02/86) was working for TeenPact in their National Offices (Richmond, VA) as the registration manager all I could do was shake my head. I remember thinking how ironic.
TeenPact is an organization that teaches young adults about government and their christian responsibility in voting and making a difference for the future. To be fair to Benjamin, I have been told by a third party that Benjamin purposefully did not want to know what was happening with Patrick, this particular conversation took place prior to finding out all the information in the sexual psycho evaluation. During the criminal investigation against Patrick and his court proceedings Benjamin lived in his families home. During all the years Patrick was sexually molesting "relatives" Benjamin lived in the family home. Remember Patrick was confronted on two different occasions about sexual abuse by his father and disciplined. Where was Benjamin? This family has always lived in tight quarters. I do not buy what Benjamin is selling! After Patrick was first sentenced, Benjamin was a named chaperon for Patrick. Benjamin lived with Patrick for a time just prior to accepting a job with TeenPact. Benjamin has intentionally and purposefully supported his brother while stating that he (Benjamin) didn't know what Patrick had done or what his father (Eddie Rojas) was planning to do or where he is in hiding.
Now come on....where was Benjamin when The Rojas's were packing up most of their belongings to go into hiding? What was Benjamin thinking when his parents and siblings were moving from house to house to avoid CPS and the sheriffs that were coming to the family home and leaving messages on the family answering machine? At this time Benjamin was 20yrs old. He did not need to blindly follow his father. He could have asked questions of the prosecutor and sheriff department to decide if it was appropriate to help his family go into hiding. I think Benjamin can say he doesn't know where his father is because he "technically" probably doesn't know. But I am convinced Benjamin most certainly has a good idea where they are in hiding! I do know that he communicates with his father and family. I have been told that Benjamin has met with his father and some of the family during the time the family has been in hiding.
Do you see the irony in Benjamin having a paid staff position with the TeenPact organization?
Monday, September 14, 2009
I really want to rant and rave on my blog tonight. Can my readers handle my realness? I hate Patrick! His evaluation speaks of narcissistic/sociopath tendencies which are so outwardly being displayed in all of this!
Oh how I wish I could have video taped aspects of today for all the individuals that actually believe Patrick is humble, repentant, and that he is sorrowful for what he has put our family through. When our lawyer approached Patrick to verify that Patrick was indeed contesting the order and to discuss the audacity of such an action. I watched the exchange, which was two pews behind me, Patrick got red faced and stated he had an attorney. Our attorney told Patrick that he had actually called the attorney Patrick named on our last court date on Thursday of this past week and the assistant stated at that time they were not taking Patrick's case. Patrick was indignant that he did have an attorney that just couldn't be at the court today.
Our attorney arranged for our case to be heard early on. We were the third case to be called. Patrick and our attorney did some back and forth with the judge while myself and child stood there. This resulted in our case being recessed so Patrick could call his attorney and nail down a date he could attend court within the next two weeks (per the statute) Patrick stepped into the hall and made his call. Patrick's attorney will be available on the 21st so our case is held over yet again! My child will have to miss part of their home school co-op classes once again. My child will have to face their abuser once again.
Our attorney stated to us this is a slam dunk case and in all his years he has never made such a bold statement. Our attorney can not think of one reason why Patrick would contest this order. I know that my opinion is considered bias but Patrick is clearly just trying to mess with our family. Patrick likes the thrill that this brings. Patrick likes the control he thinks he has over this matter. I know people think it and I hate to say it but Patrick probably wanted to get a look at our child. I hate Patrick! It's real. It's raw. It's appropriate!
The only good that came from the matter today, per our attorneys request, the judge ordered Patrick to pay a $250.00 fine to the YWCA organization for the inconvenience Patrick is causing our lawyer.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
The church does have a void in that the church as a whole is not adequately prepared to deal with or manage pedophiles. I can't imagine someone entering the mindset, the lifestyle, and activities of a pedophile for the purpose of "winning" them for Christ or rather "ministering" to them. Just as I can't imagine doing any of that with a druggie or someone that is the abuser in domestic violence. These individuals need specialized medical and psychological help and treatment plan!
I believe God is the one that opens the eyes of the individual.
Pedophiles and rapist can be ministered to in the prison system by the people that are called to "jail ministry." The prison system allows for children to be safe, for the predator to hopefully "meet Jesus" in their jail cell, and those adults called can go to the prison and love on them. If in this environment a pedophile doesn't find Jesus, turn from their sin, and a literal miracle takes place then I would say hope is slim-to-none that they ever will.
If there is such an individual out there that was once a pedophile by definition but is now walking the straight and narrow path with their savior Jesus Christ? Please stand up and be identified. Is there real hope for a pedophile? I do not doubt my God when I ask that question, I doubt the pedophile that would need to turn to my God and surrender their wicked ways!
As I said, I think the focus is on the wrong people group! The real question should be, "How is, "the church" set up to help the victims?" If a victim never tells, they have life long consequences! I believe there are masses of individuals in the church today with unresolved childhood sexual abuse being the root cause that hinders them in their physical and spiritual walk with God. Are our church leaders adequately prepared to deal with such a delicate issue? Are the leaders able to walk a survivor through facing and dealing with the trauma of abuse and all that-that entails? These survivors are the people that are walking around hurting, with trust issues, unhealthy coping choices (over eating, drinking, drugs...) that the church has overlooked! Make the church a safe place to talk about such issues. Make the church a place that holds individuals accountable if they are an abuser.
I will go out on a limb but I believe my limb is on a 1,000+ year old sturdy tree when I say I believe the church actually fosters childhood sexual abuse. That pedophiles actually use the church as a hunting ground and feel quite welcomed in most churches. The church has already been helping pedophiles for years. The church at large has done a good job at giving pedophiles a "second chance" by not reporting their crimes to the police. At large, I believe that churches are afraid of this subject, afraid of making someone feel uncomfortable, afraid of becoming educated, afraid of admitting they don't have the right tools to deal with certain individuals, have mis-interpreted the scripture on forgiveness and reconciliation, don't have any system in place to notify/educate/protect their flock from known pedophiles.
For the church to minister to pedophiles there would need to be adult only fellowships. PERIOD!
Then what is the church to do with the rapists?
If you give a mouse a muffin......
Thursday, September 10, 2009
A few nights ago I decided it was time to have a serious one on one with this child about what has been currently going on. I wanted to make sure the no-contact order was important to the child since they were now going to be involved in the process of getting one. My child had already expressed a fear that Patrick would contact the child after his probation period no longer legally restrained him from doing so. I hate this! My child in general is uncomfortable talking about all of this and I would rather bare the burden for my child. Even though my child will now be required to discuss aspects of the victimization with the lawyer my child wants to press on. My child really wants the sense of safety that the no-contact order will bring.
I realize plenty of abusers ignore no-contact orders but the legal boundaries that a no-contact will provide does give us a sense of safety. Imagined or not, that goes a long way for a child.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
The true division of humanity is between those who live in light and those who live in darkness. Our aim must be to diminish the number of the latter and increase the number of the former. That is why we demand education and knowledge~Victor Hugo
What matters to me the most right now is that you, the reader is aware that there is a real and true epidemic amongst you. Not talking about it will not make it go away. Not talking about it will not protect your children.
Have you taken the time to educate yourself on the Darknesstolight website? Have you taken the time to discuss this very important issue with your spouse, friends, pastor, educators, and coaches?
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Often a sexually abused child acts out their victimization on other little children. This can happen at the time of their victimization or as they grow into puberty. This seems to be more common with boys than with the girls. Although there are women pedophiles.
Secrecy only perpetuates the victimization of other individuals.
Childhood sexual abuse can have devastating long term consequences if not properly dealt with.
Pedophiles commonly molest adolescent boys and girls.
Childhood sexual abuse is devastating.
Secrecy in-powers the pedophile.
A pedophile is never too old, where they wouldn't be a potential threat.
Once a pedophile, always a pedophile!
Saturday, September 5, 2009
My friends story breaks my heart. So many victims, because of secrecy and manipulation. Keeping this issue in the dark gives the predators power and access to more victims. The issue of childhood sexual abuse needs to be brought to the light and not tolerated on any level! The following is from a personal friend.
This is her story in her own words:
My grandfather was sexually abusive towards my mom and her sister. My grandmother didn't believe her. I don't know the extent of what happened to her. I only know bits and pieces. When my mom was newly married and my sister was very little, my mom tried to commit suicide and had to spend some time in a mental hospital. My mom and dad almost divorced. This was a result of the abuse my mother had endured.
I don't understand all that went into my parents' thinking. My sister and I were babysat by my grandparents quite a bit when we were younger. My grandfather molested my sister, but nobody knew until she was an adult. it is weird because I don't remember anything happening to me. He spent a lot of time with me. I adored him as a little girl. He was always ready to play a game or read a story or let me hang with him in his workshop. I don't think there was anyone I loved more.
Maybe during this time he was more fixated on boys. We lived in the small town in Washington (about 530 people at that time) He was accused of molesting boys in the Boy Scouts. He was brought to trial and none of the family that I know of said anything against him. It was like a sick code of silence or denial or something. He got kicked out of the Masonic Lodge. My grandparents left the small town because of the scandal. Other than that, I know of nothing that happened from all that. He got off basically scott free.
I am assuming my aunt and uncle didn't know this, but somewhere in this time my cousin (a boy) was molested by my grandfather. He acted out a lot of sick things on me. As sad as that was, I believe it was of much less consequence than if it had been my grandfather. I was about five years old at the time and my cousin was probably eight or nine.
I remember at that time my parents asking me if my grandfather had touched me. I said no and didn't really understand what or why they were asking. I still remember the first time I saw my grandfather after I learned of what he had done. I was about eight years old. I was sick to my stomach and felt so betrayed! Even though it wasn't me he molested, I felt he had taken away my innocent love and adoration of him and betrayed all that I knew of him. I hadn't at that time connected the fact of what he had done to my cousin to what my cousin had done to me. That was a totally different issue I had to deal with.
At the age of eight, I remember walking home from school in torment, praying that I would not get pregnant, even though it had been at least a year or more since my last contact with my cousin and even though he never did anything that could get me pregnant. I would say over and over "please God don't let me get pregnant!" I obviously didn't have a clue of the birds and the bees, until finally my sister set me straight. She knew and had never said anything to my parents. That was just one way it affected me.
As an adult with young children, I spent all the family gatherings when my grandfather was around on high alert. My kids were NEVER alone with him.
My aunt lived with my grandparents for a while after a failed marriage. She left her kids with him and he struck yet again. I still don't understand her mindset. Maybe she thought my grandfather had changed or that he was too old. It is that mindset that allowed the Rojas family to encourage their son to spend time with your family and wreak his destruction. It is maddening.
My grandfather died never having paid any consequences that I know of beyond whatever shame or torment he dealt with inside. Part of me still has a hard time coming to grips with his two sides. He was in the army and was honored in that arena and was a teacher. He was also a pedophile--at a time where it was so shameful no one would say anything. Your child is so blessed to have parents who are willing to go the hard route and demand justice. That will mean so much to your child as they grows.
Well, this was a little scattered, but now you know why I will keep posting as long as they are in hiding.
After reading that blog of Brian's my heart hurts for what your daughter went through.
Friday, September 4, 2009
I know the personal effects of being a victim. I loved and served God in spite of my victimization. But why my child? Why from within the family of God?
As I reflect I can see the hand of God carrying our family. The most recent tangible example was at the courthouse when I was waiting in the hallway to enter the courtroom, when someone I knew was a lawyer, yet hadn't seen for many years happened to be looking for someone else in the same area I was in. The Tacoma courthouse is very large with many floors. There are numerous courtrooms. Where I was is a very out-of-the way area, yet I still saw someone I knew that would have valuable information for me. I was able to have a quick exchange with her and that is how I learned that if Patrick had an attorney our child was entitled to have an attorney appointed by the courts. At this point I had no reason to think Patrick would be contesting the no-contact order because Patrick was at the courthouse without his lawyer. Even the presiding judge wasn't aware of this particular law. God knew I would need to know that information.
To God be the honor and glory forever and ever......
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Let me be clear no one in our family has any desire to communicate with Patrick or receive communication from Patrick. His words would mean nothing to us. I wouldn't believe what came out of Patrick's mouth if my life depended on it. He has years upon years of lying and deceiving. Patrick is a calculating well-rehearsed manipulator.
Why can't I just have this one piece of legal paper that states Patrick can not contact my child? This would give my child a sense of security. Why can't Patrick at the very least give us that without contesting it?
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
by John Mayer
I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me
Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A woman's good, good heart
On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too [x3]
Monday, August 31, 2009
Today was the day I went to court to request a permanent "no contact order" on behalf of the victimized child in my family. I arrived at the court house and was waiting in the hallway with my dear friend, Deb. Debbie was the first to notice that Patrick had arrived. He was dressed in a suit and tie. We didn't notice his attorney. Frankly, I was surprised to see Patrick. WHY would Patrick need to be in attendance if he wasn't going to contest the No Contact Order?
All the petitioners and defendants were ushered into a court room together. No one other than the petitioner, defendants,and counsel were allowed in the room. Our petition was literally the last one to be called, three hours later. We stepped up, swore in, and Patrick started by stating he had hired an attorney (the same slick Seattle lawyer that defended him from the beginning, I don't want to name him and give him free advertisement) and that his lawyer wasn't able to attend because of a conflict and requested a two week temporary extension so Patrick's lawyer could get acquainted with this petition. Patrick also mentioned that his lawyer might not be able to make the next court date as well.
I asked the judge if I should assume this meant Patrick was contesting the petition. The judge stated that I could assume what I wanted but that he supposed this to be true. Patrick stayed silent. I also stated that I had been advised that if Patrick hired an attorney, I was entitled to have a court appointed attorney on behalf of my child. The pro tem judge had to verify what I was asking because the judge hadn't had that request before. While the information was being verified I stood in silence with Patrick about 4 feet away. I couldn't help it.....the tears started to stream down my face. I just kept thinking WHY?.....WHY would Patrick contest our request? It is completely reasonable for us to request a no contact order until our child is an adult.
There are only two reason that I can think of for Patrick to contest this no contact order; to have the ability to contact our child or simply to mess with our family. This order wouldn't put any additional restrictions on Patrick outside of what would apply to our family that he is not already restricted from because of his level 2 sex offender status. The no contact order would give our child a sense of peace and safety. Our child has expressed anxiety that Patrick would try to contact the child.
Are Patrick's actions what you would expect from someone that is remorseful and repentant? Again, I warn you to listen to what Patrick does not what Patrick says!
Friday, August 28, 2009
In general I know there are many people that have said they were praying for our family. I believe the prayers have carried us in many ways. There have been times when I have struggled the most where I have been unable to utter a prayer myself. I am slightly afraid to get excited about the possibility of Brian's web page being used by God to shine a light on the location of Eddie Rojas. The excitement is stirring inside of my spirit. As I have considered my hesitation and mixed emotions it became clear to me that this was something I needed to commit to prayer.
If you are reading this post. If you are a believer in our Lord Jesus Christ. Will you spend some time in earnest prayer over this matter? Pray for the truth to penetrate the darkness. Pray for the location of Eddie Rojas to be revealed to the proper authorities or that Eddie Rojas turns himself in to the authorities. Pray for the little sisters of Patrick to receive the help they must desperately need. Pray that the church as a whole wakes up to the stronghold that the enemy has in the area of childhood sexual abuse within the body of Christ. Pray for a vision or leading on how you can make a difference in this area of need.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
I respect the fact that Brian decided to investigate and search for the truth. Brian was getting two very different versions of why the Rojas's were in hiding and what Patrick had done. He didn't just stop reading my blog and believe what he was selectively being told by Kathy Rojas. Brian took his time and contacted individuals and was willing to hear truth even if it hurt to hear it.
Brian a stranger to my family decided he would assist in getting the truth out.(as of 3/11/10 Brian removed his articles) This is a good thing! Having someone that isn't involved in anyway. Who actually has a long history with Eddie and Kathy Rojas, who makes statements such as Brian does on his page, will I believe penetrate a group of people that are refusing to consider the truth in what I am writing because they consider it bias.
Brian thank you for supporting the truth!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
I didn't realize just how much pressure we were under when we still lived in the same community as Patrick and the elders, Jim Cameron and Dave Barrueto. I am so glad that we were able to finally move away. We are now in the city. I know with my head that we are in an area with a larger percentage of criminals than the area we moved from but the freedom we feel here is un-describable.
Anywhere I went I needed to scan for Patrick or someone that was a supporter of him. It wasn't just seeing them that was the problem. Most of the individuals wouldn't think twice about approaching me and trying to give me a hug or something along those lines. The last time my friend that was very outspoken about Patrick ran into him at the Gig Harbor Albertons (this year), Patrick actually flashed her a smile. He is very aware of her opinion of him, yet he felt it was appropriate to smile at her. She was stunned to say the least.
I am thankful that I never did run into Patrick but there were many close calls. I would hear from someone that they just saw him at one place or another. It would be somewhere we had just left or were heading out to go to. One of my children unfortunately saw Patrick, when Patrick was touring the Gig Harbor YMCA. Despite assurance from the YMCA that Patrick, being a level 2 sex offender wouldn't be granted a membership, our child dramatically halted attending the YMCA.
Someone I saw regularly was Jim Cameron. I actually decided to change some of my routines to avoid seeing him. It was too hard for me to even see him. I still hate him. To think Jim knew in detail what happened to our child and that he knew we didn't know, yet he stayed quiet. Jim actually mislead the detective in his official statement. Jim did all this with such arrogance. To know that legally nothing will be done to hold Jim accountable still eats at me.
Monday, August 24, 2009
One of the things that was robbed from my child was learning first about the beauty of sexual intimacy in the way God intended. I hadn't even talked with this child that was molested about sexual intimacy or puberty in any detail. This child was so naive to that dimension of life.
My first discussions with this child about sexual intimacy was about a sexual deviant. I had to talk with this child about twisted individuals who do terrible things to children to fulfill disgusting desires. I needed to explain something to the child that they had no frame of reference for. Their first introduction to sexual intimacy was one of darkness.
Nothing can give back the innocence that was stolen by Patrick Rojas. Frankly, his parents, Eddie and Kathy Rojas are also responsible.
Of course I assured my child that they were not responsible in anyway for what had happened. That in no way was this child part of the darkness. Because of the lack of initial understanding this child is highly likely to have a point in their young adulthood of needing to process with a greater understanding what was done to them.
This is only one of the reasons our family can't "just move on" like some people seem to feel we should do. We do move on and then have to deal with something that is directly related and it throws us back, then we need to adjust, deal with whatever and try again to live life........
Friday, August 21, 2009
Am I bitter? I haven't forgiven Patrick or others. I still want to see justice. I am willing to be honest about my true feeling regardless of knowing I will be negatively judged by some. I do not have a defense. If you don't get it from our story on this blog then I don't know that you will ever get it.
I know all the Christianese about bitterness and forgiveness. I also know that living out grief isn't pretty. Really, I believe I am still grieving everything that was done to our family and everything that our family has lost. I really am not one for pity parties but I do think I am forever changed. What happened literally unleashed a personal tsunami in my life.
I see bitterness as being a sin if I was stuck in bitterness. I do not believe I am stuck. I see myself as struggling. Struggling not to be stuck, not to become hard, not to become bitter. I see myself on an honest to God path to healing.
Monday, August 17, 2009
After everything, because our family now lives in Pierce county the trip this morning was for not. I had to turn around and go to the Tacoma courthouse and re-fill out essentially the same paperwork. I had to then return after noon to find out if the no contact order was issued. Good news, the court has issued a temporary no contact order and the hearing for a permanent one is soon. But wait, because Patrick lives in Kitsap county I had to run the sheriff's copy back down to the Kitsap county office so Patrick could be served the order. Patrick is scheduled to be served the no contact order and hearing date tomorrow.
This morning after seeing Patrick and finding out I needed to do the same thing just in a different county, I could understand why some people just quit. I wanted to quit. Just tell myself, "forget it, this is too much work and Patrick probably won't try and contact my child." But the still small voice inside kept me focused. Our boundaries need to be legally clear. I need to do everything to protect my child. What if ? I can't live with the what if. This way "if " Patrick for some insane reason tries to communicate with our child we will have legal recourse. It's not much but it's something. Our child told me the other night they were "freaked out" at the possibility of Patrick ever contacting them and the no contact order will bring a sense of control.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
The way this has played out it will have taken me an e-mail that was never responded to, two phone calls to the probation officer, literally, a pile of paperwork and a total of three trips to the courthouse just to make sure Patrick legally can not contact our child while they are still a minor. We hope Patrick never tries to contact anyone of us in our family but we can only legally protect the actual victim. Our system is so hard to maneuver through but I feel it is very important to make it legally clear that we don't want Patrick to contact our child. Remember, Patrick told us he thought he loved our child. As much as I would like to say, "Of course Patrick won't try and contact us." I really don't want to take the chance. It would be devastating to our child if Patrick contacted them via e-mail or some other way.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Until Patrick contacts Kelly Montgomery and names his other victims, I believe he is still actively choosing to live in darkness. Therefore, I believe the Christian community should not be supporting Patrick, except in encouraging him to confess his crimes and allow his victimized sisters to begin getting the therapy and support they must desperately need. While Patrick's victimized sisters are still suffering because of his unconfessed crimes, he should not be treated as if he is walking in the light.
Friday, August 14, 2009
A pedophile, Christian or not, should be willing to be identified as a sexual deviant in the body if their reasons for attending a church are pure. The priority of the leadership should be the protection of innocence in the church. Not the protection of one individual's right to hide their sexual deviant behaviors. I do not see hiding someone's dangerous behaviors from vulnerable people as loving or Christ-like.
If the church wants to get real about the epidemic of childhood sexual abuse, then the body of believers and their leadership need to start talking about it more openly. Where is the right place for a sexual predator to fellowship? How should their identity be accessible? The church also needs to be realistic about the long-term monitoring that a sexual predator needs.
A pedophile in particular should not be around children. Pedophiles should seek out Christian fellowship in adult-only groups. Even in an adult-only group, the pedophile should be transparent about their deviant behavior so each person can choose if they want to fellowship with the individual.
Separation from children is a burden the sexual predator must bear for life.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
My family was not given a choice. Eddie, Kathy and Jairus Rojas decided Patrick Rojas was repentant of his first victims and that he had stopped his sexual deviant behavior. They were wrong. My family suffered the consequences of their misjudgment.
I hope I am adequately communicating my point.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
I wonder if it because they don't really face it and consider in detail what really happens to a child.
I wonder, is it because they are offenders as well?
I wonder if it because they have other sexual deviant behaviors such as pornography and minimize sexual abuse to minimize their problem.
Do they not consider the instantaneous change that happens to the child that is sexually abused?
Why would any adult even consider keeping secret the abuse of a child?
Why with so many victims/adult survivors in our society are-our laws so lenient?
Why does the Christian community so easily allow these predators back into fellowship without much if any real safe guards for children?
Do you realize YOU ARE THE CHURCH?
Next to murder, I consider childhood sexual abuse to be one of the worst things in life for a child to endure.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
I will say, yesterday, when all of this was going on I walked around numb. I was afraid of the reaction Lance would have. I was bracing my heart for yet another blow. Instead, within 24hrs of Lance being called on his vacation, I received a personal phone call from pastor Lance Powers assuring me all ties between Patrick Rojas and PSCC were broken. This is such a redeeming moment. A church leader was willing to take a side. To take a stand. Pastor Lance Powers took the side of the victim.
Friday, August 7, 2009
I know it is disgusting to consider Patrick's behavior but it must be faced! Currently, Patrick has individuals that are "supporting him in this season of his life." Christians. Season of his life? This is Patrick's life! The people that scare me almost as much as Patrick are the Christians that believe they are qualified to discern proper boundaries for Patrick. I am referring to the Christians that have no specialized training to work with a sexual predator.
Be warned, Patrick might be in your church, your college community, your bible study. He will be very humble. He will exhibit all the external appropriate behaviors that you would want to see in someone who claims to be repentant. Remember what I have said in previous posts, Listen to what Patrick does not what he says. He still hasn't gone to the state and named his 5 additional victims and accepted whatever charges the state would file. That alone should be alarming to any christian. And in my humble opinion, knowing that should blow all kinds of holes in Patrick's claims to be repentant and changed!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Living in a distant neighborhood.
Evil has a wholesome, hometown face,
with merry eyes and an open smile.
Evil walks among us, wearing a mask
which looks like all our faces.
~From the book "Counted Sorrows"
To be an effective child molester one has to have a certain charm about them. When caught this charm along with their lie that, "it will never happen again," more often than not convinces others not to report their crimes.
However slight, if you suspect that someone has had sexual contact with your child you need to report it. Let the authorities sort out the facts. In our day and age it is very hard to have actual charges filled against you unless there is adequate evidence. We need to get the pedophiles on the radar screen.
This post was inspired by my mother.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
My friends statement was a spontaneous one in the courtroom. Because it was so moving she was asked to write it down to the best of her memory so it could be on permit file in the court records. Since I have been writing about our awful court experience and have specifically mentioned this friend I asked her permission to post most of her statement. The issue of childhood sexual abuse is still very sensitive in her own family and in order to protect people she loves she has asked me not to specifically name her but very much wants me to post the statement. I have invited her to tell "her personal story" on this blog in time, if that is something she would ever see as profitable.
....As a victim of childhood sexual abuse. As such, I find myself in the unenviable position of being able to speak with some authority on the devastation sexual abuse causes. As an adult, I can tell you that I have moved far beyond the circumstances of my childhood, but the damage caused by sexual abuse never goes completely away.
Patrick Rojas stole so much from ------- the night he decided to sneak into her room and put his hands on her as she and her family slept in their home. He stole her innocence, her sense of security, her ability to trust herself and others, and he stole a part of her childhood that can never be reclaimed. Because sexual abuse affects more than just the victim, this has been forced on her parents and her siblings as well. In the Schneider family, time will always be measured in terms of “before Patrick” and “after Patrick.” No child or family deserves to be devastated in this manner.
Therapy and the grace of God will help ------- move on and help to heal her heart and mind, but nothing can completely mend the wounds Patrick has inflicted. No amount of time or therapy can change what has happened and make it go away.
Since ------ molestation has come to light, I have heard time and again that Patrick and the Rojas family have tried to minimize what Patrick did by calling it “just a kiss.” It wasn’t a kiss. It was a crime that Patrick sought to cover up by sneaking around in the night, writing ------ notes telling her not to talk to her parents and by lying to the Schneider’s, his family, his church and the court for months. As someone who suffered from sexual abuse as a girl, I find the attempts by Patrick and the Rojas family to minimize his behavior in this way to be deeply offensive. These attempts by the Rojas’ re-victimize ------ and her family by implying that they have overreacted, are vindictive or are just plain crazy. This is simply not true. Patrick committed a crime, he is a pedophile and he should be dealt with accordingly.
Patrick, a 22 year old man, sexually abused, ------, an adolescent. What I am asking the court is to not minimize this!
Please do not minimize this crime against a little child. They cannot minimize it, nor can their family or their closest friends. Please do not minimize what has been done to this lovely young child. Please do not let her be victimized a second time by a lack of a serious response to this crime. Help restore her faith in herself, her family and community by this court dealing with this matter with the full weight of the law. Help her achieve respect in her family, herself and the legal process of her community by treating this crime with the seriousness it deserves.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to address this court and to speak for ------, her family and for others who have suffered in the same way.
Sincerely,Signed by my friend, who for personal reasons wants to remain nameless on this blog.