Some victory on the road to spiritual recovery. My family went to church on Easter. It was rough getting there. We were battling some physical illness and general negativity that morning. Silently, I thought to myself that a spiritual battle was taking place. I knew we just needed to press on. We did. Honestly, I wasn't spiritually moved by my church experience but I considered the fact that I didn't even think of the Rojas family or our former church until halfway into the worship service, a victory.
It seems silly to say that being at church and actually not thinking about the Rojas family is a victory but because of all the betrayal from our spiritual leaders, their families, our church family and the way the word was twisted, it is a huge victory. We had been indoctrinated into some "almost truths." The kind of half truths that are so close to the truth that it's easy to miss that they are not really the truth at all.
Since all of this I have so many mixed emotions about church in general. For starters, is attending church even biblical? Fred knows what I mean. Anyway, that is another issue that I personally do not have the energy to debate. All I know is my understanding of what it means to be a "Christian" and to have a relationship with Christ has drastically changed since our family was victimized and betrayed from within the body of Christ. I know I do not need to attend a church to be a follower of Christ or to have a personal relationship with my Savior.
Why do I keep trying to go back? I am not really sure to tell you the truth. Not sure if I really want to or if I feel pressure from others to. I know that with very few exceptions that is what most of my Christian friends are quietly waiting for. I can't foresee ever having the love of church that I once did. I believe church will always be tarnished for me. That reality brings me to tears and to the end of this post.
Click on this link to hear this song: Your Hands by JJ Heller
