If someone asks him, ‘What are these wounds on your body?’ he will answer, ‘The wounds I was given at the house of my friends.’ Zech 13 v 6

Wednesday, September 30, 2009


When I am not sure what to do or what to post about....I wait. I am in a state of waiting right now.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

The Glad Game

I have some things to be glad about...

I am glad that Patrick cannot legally contact my child for at least the next two years.

I am glad my family has cut almost all the ties with the families from our former church. I know this is hard for some individuals to understand. I know some individuals interpret our separation as hardened, bitter hearts. But those who know us well understand and see the wisdom in the separation. I needed to be free from some of the misguided mindsets. I needed to be free to live out my pain with those who would support me. I needed not to hear about others fellowshipping with people that devastated me by their words, actions, or non-actions.

I am glad we live in a different area now. I am glad for the fresh start in a community, even though it is hard to start over. I am glad my family can start anew. I like to think I won't run into anyone from our former church on our side of the bridge.

I am glad that I have individuals both known and anonymous encouraging me, even thanking me for this blog.

I am glad that the readers of this blog are taking Our Story seriously and forwarding the information on to others. That people all over our country and some abroad are on the lookout for Eddie and Kathy Rojas and their family.

I am glad that God is in control. I am glad to write this blog and bring awareness and understanding as to the effects of childhood sexual abuse. I know I am to use this venue as a way to locate Francis Edward Rojas.

I am glad to know I do not need to make anything happen myself.....God is working.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Psychologically Trapped part 2

By her inaction, Kathy Rojas is allowing her daughters to remain in harm's way.

In no way am I excusing Kathy's actions. In no way do I want to make Kathy look sympathetic. I believe Kathy struggles, but truly believes she would be in sin to go against her husband's wishes. On the outside, Kathy seems strong and confident and as if she is the one in control. I believe just the opposite is true.

I had many intimate conversations with Kathy in the time we attended their church. She was a mentor to me. In hindsight, there are many things that should have raised red flags. For instance, on a seemingly unimportant issue, Kathy would often say that she would need to discuss the issue with Eddie. I'd follow up the next day. Kathy's typical response was that she hadn't yet been able to talk to Eddie. That the timing wasn't right. This would sometimes go on for a week or more. We're not talking about life decisions, but about women getting together for scrapbooking. That sort of thing. Kathy would occasionally miss something all together because "the timing wasn't right." She hadn't been able to quickly run the question by Eddie. She took it all in stride.

It was all part of her mindset that her first call of duty was her husband. I don't disagree with this view biblically, but I do think in this case it was twisted to an unbiblical level. Eddie was the head of the house, period. If Eddie was ever in sin, I think Kathy believed that God would use her obedience to correct him. It is so close to biblical truth, but misses the mark. I remember thinking how glad I was that I could daily talk to Eric about anything. Eddie was no busier than the next father. Yes, he was a pastor and had many children but Eddie literally was a hands-off dad as far as any practical care was considered. Eddie didn't have a job other than his role as pastor. My husband works 70-hour work weeks and was commuting two hours a day. We have 6 children and Eric is very hands-on. I can always run something by Eric or discuss anything with him.

Eddie has a tight control on his family. Pray for the release of the minds of the adults in the Rojas family!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Psychologically Trapped

I have wondered so many times why Kathy doesn't protect her girls. She knows intimately the effects abuse has on an individual. How could she allow her own flesh and blood to be in harm's way for so many years? How could she allow her children to suffer the consequences of being fugitives?

Kathy is an adult. Kathy is intelligent. Kathy runs the family home. Kathy most likely has hours in a day when Eddie is not at home, where she could flee with the children. Kathy could make an anonymous phone call to the police.

I believe Kathy is emotionally trapped. I don't even know if Kathy realizes that she is trapped. Kathy is an adult survivor of severe childhood sexual abuse. My opinion is that Kathy is paralyzed by a combination of things: Eddies controlling nature, Kathy's twisted biblical views, and Kathy's personal history of childhood sexual abuse. For the sake of her daughters, I pray she finds the courage to break out.

Part 1

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


I mentioned in my post "Not Without Manipulation," that something else was relayed through our lawyer to us from Patrick's attorney. Patrick would like to pay restitution. In the Christian community, this is a big deal. Many individuals, especially the ones that believe Patrick is and has been repentant, would consider this to be Patrick's final biblical obligation to our family. Biblically, I am not even going to touch this. I am underwhelmed by Patrick's offer. More than two years later, Patrick wants to pay restitution. It's about time.

How does one come up with a monetary number in this type of case?

What monetary value do you put on a child's innocence being stolen?

What monetary value do you put on betrayal?

Do we count the time Eric took off work to help his family cope emotionally? Do we count his time off work for court dates, or for his therapy to deal with the anger this caused him?

What about my therapy?

What about the therapy for the child that was used to gain access to the victim?

How do we predict future costs of therapy for our child?

Do we consider our moving cost?

What monetary value do we put on a loss of community?

What monetary value do we put on anxiety?

What monetary value do we put on the negative impact this had on my other children?

I am not talking about an inanimate object being broken and the restitution to replace it. I am not talking about a knee injury that occurred in a negligent automobile accident needing restitution.

If I were able to come up with a number, the Bible says proper restitution is seven times the total amount. Should I expect that from Patrick?

Here's a more important question: What about Patrick's sister's that are in hiding? We cannot forget about them or stop looking for their father, Eddie Rojas!! When will he turn himself in for those crimes? When will Patrick pay restitution for his crimes against them?

Monday, September 21, 2009

Not Without Manipulation

We arrived at the courthouse to be greeted by our attorney. Our attorney started apologizing to us because we had pulled our child out of home school co-op and that we had made the trip down. Our attorney stated he heard from Patrick's attorney today and that Patrick was no longer going to contest the no-contact order. At 11:50am today our attorney received a faxed copy of the no-contact order with Patrick's signature. Remember Patrick's attorney is in Seattle. We were due in court at 1pm. This may seem like I am splitting hairs here. That I should just take it and run but before anyone gets too excited over Patrick doing a turn about on the no-contact order and thinking he had a Jesus moment or something I want you to think about it....

Patrick dragged this on as long as he possibly could. It is highly likely that when face to face with his attorney, Patrick was advised he was wasting his money and had no merit to contest the no-contact order we were requesting. That Patrick could spin this to his benefit by signing the order and backing off. Patrick's attorney conveyed to ours how devastated Patrick was for what he had done to our child for the devastating betrayal against our family. Listen to what Patrick does not what he says. If the statement from Patrick's attorney is sincere then why did Patrick ever contest the no-contact order? I am not sure but the red faced angry Patrick from last week that was stating very firmly before the judge, "that he (Patrick) had the right to counsel," and to request a recess to call his lawyer so he could nail a date...to today, where he expresses remorse and wants to sign the no-contact order. Confusing but we will take it.

I am thankful my child didn't have to face Patrick again. I am thankful that my child didn't have to go before the judge again and make any statements. I am thankful that I have a no-contact order in place. But all that is within me knows this was a strategic move made by Patrick because he finally faced the fact he was fighting a losing battle! I will take the win! But I caution my readers not to read too much into all of this. I know that there are people out there pulling for Patrick. I want Patrick to be miraculously healed as well for the safety of young children. I just don't want to be naive! I don't want my readers to be naive as well.

Patrick didn't really give us anything today. He conceded to what we knew we were already getting.

When Patrick names his 5 additional victims and accepts the consequences for those crimes, then and only then will I consider that a heart and mind change has taken place within Patrick.

There was something else passed on to us through our lawyer that I will talk about in another post soon.

Thursday, September 17, 2009


Benjamin Rojas

“I am sorry to think that you do not get a man's most effective criticism until you provoke him. Severe truth is expressed with some bitterness.”~Henry David Thoreau

When I heard that Benjamin P. Rojas (DOB 9/02/86) was working for TeenPact in their National Offices (Richmond, VA) as the registration manager all I could do was shake my head. I remember thinking how ironic.

TeenPact is an organization that teaches young adults about government and their christian responsibility in voting and making a difference for the future. To be fair to Benjamin, I have been told by a third party that Benjamin purposefully did not want to know what was happening with Patrick, this particular conversation took place prior to finding out all the information in the sexual psycho evaluation. During the criminal investigation against Patrick and his court proceedings Benjamin lived in his families home. During all the years Patrick was sexually molesting "relatives" Benjamin lived in the family home. Remember Patrick was confronted on two different occasions about sexual abuse by his father and disciplined. Where was Benjamin? This family has always lived in tight quarters. I do not buy what Benjamin is selling! After Patrick was first sentenced, Benjamin was a named chaperon for Patrick. Benjamin lived with Patrick for a time just prior to accepting a job with TeenPact. Benjamin has intentionally and purposefully supported his brother while stating that he (Benjamin) didn't know what Patrick had done or what his father (Eddie Rojas) was planning to do or where he is in hiding.

Now come on....where was Benjamin when The Rojas's were packing up most of their belongings to go into hiding? What was Benjamin thinking when his parents and siblings were moving from house to house to avoid CPS and the sheriffs that were coming to the family home and leaving messages on the family answering machine? At this time Benjamin was 20yrs old. He did not need to blindly follow his father. He could have asked questions of the prosecutor and sheriff department to decide if it was appropriate to help his family go into hiding. I think Benjamin can say he doesn't know where his father is because he "technically" probably doesn't know. But I am convinced Benjamin most certainly has a good idea where they are in hiding! I do know that he communicates with his father and family. I have been told that Benjamin has met with his father and some of the family during the time the family has been in hiding.

Do you see the irony in Benjamin having a paid staff position with the TeenPact organization?

Monday, September 14, 2009

What Can I Say...

What can I really say? I went to court today with Eric and our child. Patrick actually showed up again. He is still opposing the no-contact order. Again, Patrick did not have his attorney. We actually have to do this all over again in one week!

I really want to rant and rave on my blog tonight. Can my readers handle my realness? I hate Patrick! His evaluation speaks of narcissistic/sociopath tendencies which are so outwardly being displayed in all of this!

Oh how I wish I could have video taped aspects of today for all the individuals that actually believe Patrick is humble, repentant, and that he is sorrowful for what he has put our family through. When our lawyer approached Patrick to verify that Patrick was indeed contesting the order and to discuss the audacity of such an action. I watched the exchange, which was two pews behind me, Patrick got red faced and stated he had an attorney. Our attorney told Patrick that he had actually called the attorney Patrick named on our last court date on Thursday of this past week and the assistant stated at that time they were not taking Patrick's case. Patrick was indignant that he did have an attorney that just couldn't be at the court today.

Our attorney arranged for our case to be heard early on. We were the third case to be called. Patrick and our attorney did some back and forth with the judge while myself and child stood there. This resulted in our case being recessed so Patrick could call his attorney and nail down a date he could attend court within the next two weeks (per the statute) Patrick stepped into the hall and made his call. Patrick's attorney will be available on the 21st so our case is held over yet again! My child will have to miss part of their home school co-op classes once again. My child will have to face their abuser once again.

Our attorney stated to us this is a slam dunk case and in all his years he has never made such a bold statement. Our attorney can not think of one reason why Patrick would contest this order. I know that my opinion is considered bias but Patrick is clearly just trying to mess with our family. Patrick likes the thrill that this brings. Patrick likes the control he thinks he has over this matter. I know people think it and I hate to say it but Patrick probably wanted to get a look at our child. I hate Patrick! It's real. It's raw. It's appropriate!

The only good that came from the matter today, per our attorneys request, the judge ordered Patrick to pay a $250.00 fine to the YWCA organization for the inconvenience Patrick is causing our lawyer.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Some Of My Thoughts On This.....

I woke-up from sleeping and haven't been able to quiet my mind since. Different thoughts are racing through my head. I think the focus is wrong. In America I believe everyone has an opportunity to hear the word of God. It's on TV, the radio, a church is around every corner, out reaches are everywhere, at schools (Young Life), colleges, fairs, the opportunities to hear the gospel are seemingly everywhere. I don't believe the lack of the gospel is the problem.

The church does have a void in that the church as a whole is not adequately prepared to deal with or manage pedophiles. I can't imagine someone entering the mindset, the lifestyle, and activities of a pedophile for the purpose of "winning" them for Christ or rather "ministering" to them. Just as I can't imagine doing any of that with a druggie or someone that is the abuser in domestic violence. These individuals need specialized medical and psychological help and treatment plan!

I believe God is the one that opens the eyes of the individual.

Pedophiles and rapist can be ministered to in the prison system by the people that are called to "jail ministry." The prison system allows for children to be safe, for the predator to hopefully "meet Jesus" in their jail cell, and those adults called can go to the prison and love on them. If in this environment a pedophile doesn't find Jesus, turn from their sin, and a literal miracle takes place then I would say hope is slim-to-none that they ever will.

If there is such an individual out there that was once a pedophile by definition but is now walking the straight and narrow path with their savior Jesus Christ? Please stand up and be identified. Is there real hope for a pedophile? I do not doubt my God when I ask that question, I doubt the pedophile that would need to turn to my God and surrender their wicked ways!

As I said, I think the focus is on the wrong people group! The real question should be, "How is, "the church" set up to help the victims?" If a victim never tells, they have life long consequences! I believe there are masses of individuals in the church today with unresolved childhood sexual abuse being the root cause that hinders them in their physical and spiritual walk with God. Are our church leaders adequately prepared to deal with such a delicate issue? Are the leaders able to walk a survivor through facing and dealing with the trauma of abuse and all that-that entails? These survivors are the people that are walking around hurting, with trust issues, unhealthy coping choices (over eating, drinking, drugs...) that the church has overlooked! Make the church a safe place to talk about such issues. Make the church a place that holds individuals accountable if they are an abuser.

I will go out on a limb but I believe my limb is on a 1,000+ year old sturdy tree when I say I believe the church
actually fosters childhood sexual abuse. That pedophiles actually use the church as a hunting ground and feel quite welcomed in most churches. The church has already been helping pedophiles for years. The church at large has done a good job at giving pedophiles a "second chance" by not reporting their crimes to the police. At large, I believe that churches are afraid of this subject, afraid of making someone feel uncomfortable, afraid of becoming educated, afraid of admitting they don't have the right tools to deal with certain individuals, have mis-interpreted the scripture on forgiveness and reconciliation, don't have any system in place to notify/educate/protect their flock from known pedophiles.

For the church to minister to pedophiles there would need to be adult only fellowships. PERIOD!

Then what is the church to do with the rapists?

If you give a mouse a muffin......

Thursday, September 10, 2009


I am still irritated that I had to attain a lawyer in order to hopefully secure a no-contact order for our child. Today we meet the lawyer. I am especially upset because now my child has to play an active roll in this.

A few nights ago I decided it was time to have a serious one on one with this child about what has been currently going on. I wanted to make sure the no-contact order was important to the child since they were now going to be involved in the process of getting one. My child had already expressed a fear that Patrick would contact the child after his probation period no longer legally restrained him from doing so. I hate this! My child in general is uncomfortable talking about all of this and I would rather bare the burden for my child. Even though my child will now be required to discuss aspects of the victimization with the lawyer my child wants to press on. My child really wants the sense of safety that the no-contact order will bring.

I realize plenty of abusers ignore no-contact orders but the legal boundaries that a no-contact will provide does give us a sense of safety. Imagined or not, that goes a long way for a child.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


The true division of humanity is between those who live in light and those who live in darkness. Our aim must be to diminish the number of the latter and increase the number of the former. That is why we demand education and knowledge~Victor Hugo

What matters to me the most right now is that you, the reader is aware that there is a real and true epidemic amongst you. Not talking about it will not make it go away. Not talking about it will not protect your children.

Have you taken the time to educate yourself on the Darknesstolight website? Have you taken the time to discuss this very important issue with your spouse, friends, pastor, educators, and coaches?

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Think About It

What can be learned from Our Story and Her Story?

Often a sexually abused child acts out their victimization on other little children. This can happen at the time of their victimization or as they grow into puberty. This seems to be more common with boys than with the girls. Although there are women pedophiles.

Secrecy only perpetuates the victimization of other individuals.

Childhood sexual abuse can have devastating long term consequences if not properly dealt with.

Pedophiles commonly molest adolescent boys and girls.

Childhood sexual abuse is devastating.

Secrecy in-powers the pedophile.

A pedophile is never too old, where they wouldn't be a potential threat.

Once a pedophile, always a pedophile!

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Her Story

A friend of mine came forward recently with her own story of abuse and dysfunction. With her permission I am including her story on my blog. I believe many readers still have a hard time accepting that childhood sexual abuse is in fact an epidemic. Often the pattern of sexual abuse repeats itself through the victim if the victim is not helped. The predator moves on to other victims if not confronted, reported to the police, then serve time for their crime, and then have intense therapy and accountability.

My friends story breaks my heart. So many victims, because of secrecy and manipulation. Keeping this issue in the dark gives the predators power and access to more victims. The issue of childhood sexual abuse needs to be brought to the light and not tolerated on any level! The following is from a personal friend.

This is her story in her own words:
I feel very strongly about doing what I can to support your efforts to find Eddie and his family. I think I told you before that I would share my story with you. So here it is.

My grandfather was sexually abusive towards my mom and her sister. My grandmother didn't believe her. I don't know the extent of what happened to her. I only know bits and pieces.
When my mom was newly married and my sister was very little, my mom tried to commit suicide and had to spend some time in a mental hospital. My mom and dad almost divorced. This was a result of the abuse my mother had endured.

I don't understand all that went into my parents' thinking. My sister and I were babysat by my grandparents quite a bit when we were younger. My grandfather molested my sister, but nobody knew until she was an adult. it is weird because I don't remember anything happening to me. He spent a lot of time with me. I adored him as a little girl. He was always ready to play a game or read a story or let me hang with him in his workshop. I don't think there was anyone I loved more.

Maybe during this time he was more fixated on boys. We lived in the small town in Washington (about 530 people at that time) He was accused of molesting boys in the Boy Scouts. He was brought to trial and none of the family that I know of said anything against him. It was like a sick code of silence or denial or something. He got kicked out of the Masonic Lodge. My grandparents left the small town because of the scandal. Other than that, I know of nothing that happened from all that. He got off basically scott free.

I am assuming my aunt and uncle didn't know this, but somewhere in this time my cousin (a boy) was molested by my grandfather. He acted out a lot of sick things on me. As sad as that was, I believe it was of much less consequence than if it had been my grandfather. I was about five years old at the time and my cousin was probably eight or nine.

I remember at that time my parents asking me if my grandfather had touched me. I said no and didn't really understand what or why they were asking. I still remember the first time I saw my grandfather after I learned of what he had done. I was about eight years old. I was sick to my stomach and felt so betrayed! Even though it wasn't me he molested, I felt he had taken away my innocent love and adoration of him and betrayed all that I knew of him. I hadn't at that time connected the fact of what he had done to my cousin to what my cousin had done to me. That was a totally different issue I had to deal with.

At the age of eight, I remember walking home from school in torment, praying that I would not get pregnant, even though it had been at least a year or more since my last contact with my cousin and even though he never did anything that could get me pregnant. I would say over and over "please God don't let me get pregnant!" I obviously didn't have a clue of the birds and the bees, until finally my sister set me straight. She knew and had never said anything to my parents. That was just one way it affected me.

As an adult with young children, I spent all the family gatherings when my grandfather was around on high alert. My kids were NEVER alone with him.

My aunt lived with my grandparents for a while after a failed marriage. She left her kids with him and he struck yet again.
I still don't understand her mindset. Maybe she thought my grandfather had changed or that he was too old. It is that mindset that allowed the Rojas family to encourage their son to spend time with your family and wreak his destruction. It is maddening.

My grandfather died never having paid any consequences that I know of beyond whatever shame or torment he dealt with inside. Part of me still has a hard time coming to grips with his two sides. He was in the army and was honored in that arena and was a teacher. He was also a pedophile--at a time where it was so shameful no one would say anything. Your child is so blessed to have parents who are willing to go the hard route and demand justice. That will mean so much to your child as they grows.

Well, this was a little scattered, but now you know why I will keep posting as long as they are in hiding.

After reading that blog of Brian's my heart hurts for what your daughter went through.

Friday, September 4, 2009


I have been reflecting on some of the pivotal decision making moments since the discovery of our child being victimized. I know that it is obvious from my blog that along with dealing with the hurt of the betrayal from so many in my christian family, I have been struggling with my relationship with God. I know God didn't cause these horrific events to happen in my life. But I have struggled with the why didn't God intervene so that the events didn't take place. God is sovereign. I know all the thoughts about God knowing the "big" picture. God working all things for good for those who love and serve Him. (paraphrased) God being the redeemer. I could go on.

I know the personal effects of being a victim. I loved and served God in spite of my victimization. But why my child? Why from within the family of God?

As I reflect I can see the hand of God carrying our family. The most recent tangible example was at the courthouse when I was waiting in the hallway to enter the courtroom, when someone I knew was a lawyer, yet hadn't seen for many years happened to be looking for someone else in the same area I was in. The Tacoma courthouse is very large with many floors. There are numerous courtrooms. Where I was is a very out-of-the way area, yet I still saw someone I knew that would have valuable information for me. I was able to have a quick exchange with her and that is how I learned that if Patrick had an attorney our child was entitled to have an attorney appointed by the courts. At this point I had no reason to think Patrick would be contesting the no-contact order because Patrick was at the courthouse without his lawyer. Even the presiding judge wasn't aware of this particular law. God knew I would need to know that information.

To God be the honor and glory forever and ever......

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Why ?

Over the last few days I have been trying to understand why Patrick would contest the no-contact order. I just cannot come up with one reasonable answer. Allowing me to secure a no-contact order on behalf of my child would have been a way Patrick could have deferred to my family and the desire to protect my child. No one in my family has any desire to dialogue with Patrick at all. Our child is fearful that Patrick would contact the child to ask for forgiveness or to try and communicate something else. For Patrick to do so would be purely selfish. I will admit I do not know what Patrick's motives are.

Let me be clear no one in our family has any desire to communicate with Patrick or receive communication from Patrick. His words would mean nothing to us. I wouldn't believe what came out of Patrick's mouth if my life depended on it. He has years upon years of lying and deceiving. Patrick is a calculating well-rehearsed manipulator.

Why can't I just have this one piece of legal paper that states Patrick can not contact my child? This would give my child a sense of security. Why can't Patrick at the very least give us that without contesting it?

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

A Song .....

by John Mayer
I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A woman's good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too [x3]