If someone asks him, ‘What are these wounds on your body?’ he will answer, ‘The wounds I was given at the house of my friends.’ Zech 13 v 6

Wednesday, April 7, 2010


Some victory on the road to spiritual recovery. My family went to church on Easter. It was rough getting there. We were battling some physical illness and general negativity that morning. Silently, I thought to myself that a spiritual battle was taking place. I knew we just needed to press on. We did. Honestly, I wasn't spiritually moved by my church experience but I considered the fact that I didn't even think of the Rojas family or our former church until halfway into the worship service, a victory.

It seems silly to say that being at church and actually not thinking about the Rojas family is a victory but because of all the betrayal from our spiritual leaders, their families, our church family and the way the word was twisted, it is a huge victory. We had been indoctrinated into some "almost truths." The kind of half truths that are so close to the truth that it's easy to miss that they are not really the truth at all.

Since all of this I have so many mixed emotions about church in general. For starters, is attending church even biblical? Fred knows what I mean. Anyway, that is another issue that I personally do not have the energy to debate. All I know is my understanding of what it means to be a "Christian" and to have a relationship with Christ has drastically changed since our family was victimized and betrayed from within the body of Christ. I know I do not need to attend a church to be a follower of Christ or to have a personal relationship with my Savior.

Why do I keep trying to go back? I am not really sure to tell you the truth. Not sure if I really want to or if I feel pressure from others to. I know that with very few exceptions that is what most of my Christian friends are quietly waiting for. I can't foresee ever having the love of church that I once did. I believe church will always be tarnished for me. That reality brings me to tears and to the end of this post.

Click on this link to hear this song: Your Hands by JJ Heller


Anonymous said...

I will love you the very same if you never darken a door of a sanctuary again...really....who cares? CERTAINLY NOT GOD! He wants you to love him...that can happen anywhere!DEB

freddyeddy said...

Thanks for sharing your struggles openly. There are many people "in the fold" who have very similar questions and multitudes of "prebelievers" who simply do not understand-or care for that matter-what the whole Sunday Box Routine is about.

It helps me to separate the unfortunate English usage of church=building we go to from Church=the living stones being built into a spiritual house 1 Peter 2:5.

Reading Frank Viola's From Eternity to Here right now. Kind of out there, and for me the first section was difficult, but it contains much beautiful truth about Christ's search for a bride and God's search for a home.

There is a reason marriage is precious to God. The picture of unchanging committment in spite of failings, shortcomings and disappointments paints the picture of Jesus love for us and the world is watching. I could go on, but I might begin rambling-maybe I already have.

I understand the grief, Danielle. I miss the fellowship, comraderie and "fun times". Life isn't all about fun times though, and that to me is one of the gaping holes in the system. It tends to be a monolog with VERY BRIEF opportunities for SHALLOW greetings and interactions. You can't spill your guts when the happy tunes are going. Besides, lunch is in the oven and people expect to be able to get home no later than 1PM.

You have a Church. Their names, as I perceive it, are the Lews & Dews, the Kageys, others I don't know. Don't let misdirected people bring confusion and rob you of those beautiful faithful friendships and what they really mean for you guys during this season.

In the world, you will have trouble, but remember, Jesus has overcome that for us. And, He is with us until the very end of the age!

sherie said...

I think one of the hard parts of being on the outside looking into the church box, is the affect on our children. I personally had a wonderful church life for 20 years. Then we moved and experienced betrayal at the hands of two churches. So, now we have the Church, but not the church. I am hoping and praying our kids will have a healthy view of churches and continue to grow in Christ and lead the Church in the coming years. Its just so different for my younger two over what the older two had, in the way of box church. I am probably rambling some, so will close. Thanks for sharing, Danielle.

Renea said...

I've wanted to comment on so many of your posts today as I have been catching up. But this one just seemed so simple to jump out at me and say:

But you home-school, right? Home-church too.

Just thinking of Eric has always brought a smile to my face, from as far back when your brood of 6 was only 2 small toe-headed little angels. I am so saddened to learn of your family's pain. As a fellow survivor, I can't even begin to express all the thoughts & emotions I have had reading yours.

Another simple but selfish thought, I hope the ripples don't take my Eshni smile away.

Danielle said...

@Renea~ This shattered our whole world. We no longer home school and we haven't regularly attended a church since the discovery of the crimes committed. We have tried. We will probably keep trying?? When I say that what Patrick did changed the course of our lives I literally mean, it changed the course of our lives. As far as Eric and his smile and friendly personality...he is fighting to keep hold of it but we will never be the same.