I should be there to celebrate with you.
But I can't be, I just cannot be. Simply put, this is a ripple effect of actions taken and choices made. Mine included. If you love me, then let me go. Know that I wish your family well, but let me go.
In the last six months, I have had a couple of former friends from our former church reach out to me in different ways. And it hurts. The contacts are well intended but not very thoughtful. Read the blog. Look at my actions. We have had virtually no contact in months upon months. I am not in your life. I have let go. This is what I have to do to move on. I do not know what more I can say to help you understand.
If you know me, you know I am incapable of pretending and I do not think it is healthy to compartmentalize. It hurts when I allow myself to consider every event I could attend. Everything I would have helped with or been involved in if it were not for all the layers of betrayal. I was fully invested. I saw our futures together. It is what it is. I hurt and you hurt. You are dealing with it in your way, but I am asking, Please "If you love me, to let me go."
What can the average person learn from my current struggle? Maybe not to just pretend the elephant isn't in the room. Maybe that some things are so complicated and intertwined that status-quo is out of the question. Maybe that actions can have long term painful consequences that effect future generations.
Maybe simply that I am heartbroken over this reality.