If someone asks him, ‘What are these wounds on your body?’ he will answer, ‘The wounds I was given at the house of my friends.’ Zech 13 v 6

Sunday, November 15, 2009

If you love me, then let me go.

The ripple effect continues into the next generation.....

I should be there to celebrate with you.

But I can't be, I just cannot be. Simply put, this is a ripple effect of actions taken and choices made. Mine included. If you love me, then let me go. Know that I wish your family well, but let me go.

In the last six months, I have had a couple of former friends from our former church reach out to me in different ways. And it hurts. The contacts are well intended but not very thoughtful. Read the blog. Look at my actions. We have had virtually no contact in months upon months. I am not in your life. I have let go. This is what I have to do to move on. I do not know what more I can say to help you understand.

If you know me, you know I am incapable of pretending and I do not think it is healthy to compartmentalize. It hurts when I allow myself to consider every event I could attend. Everything I would have helped with or been involved in if it were not for all the layers of betrayal. I was fully invested. I saw our futures together. It is what it is. I hurt and you hurt. You are dealing with it in your way, but I am asking, Please "If you love me, to let me go."

What can the average person learn from my current struggle? Maybe not to just pretend the elephant isn't in the room. Maybe that some things are so complicated and intertwined that status-quo is out of the question. Maybe that actions can have long term painful consequences that effect future generations.

Maybe simply that I am heartbroken over this reality.


freddyeddy said...

I completely understand that feeling. There were lots of people who I didn't even want to think about, let alone have conversation with. Then there was another layer of people that were more tolerable, but it was still painful to be with them. Some of that has shifted over time. I have changed the way I view them and the intensity of the feelings has diminished. There are still people who I would only want to hear from if the first words out of their mouth was "Will you please forgive me?" That will probably never change with some of them.

It's good to have a venue to put it out there clearly and to just get it off your chest.

I still think the blog is helping... me and others....and maybe you too.

Danielle said...

Fred, Thanks! It helps to hear that the blog is beneficial for others and I do know it helps me. The blog helps get it out of my head....a step in the right direction.

Anonymous said...

This was a great one, Danielle. It's straightforward, to the point and totally right one! Way to go, my friend...I love you!