Do you get what is taken from a child when they are sexually molested, regardless of the level of the molestation? Their innocence. Their ability to trust. Something that is meant to be beautiful,(sexual intimacy,) gets introduced as something dirty and bad. The child's sense of safety is robbed.
The child that is damaged far more is the child who never tells or isn't supported when they do tell. The trauma that is caused by childhood sexual abuse, if not properly dealt with, can lead to a lifetime of residual consequences.
At our church there seemed to be an overwhelming amount of individuals who wanted to bury their heads in the sand. They didn't want to know what was really happening with our case or in our family. I believe they chose this so they could be friends with everybody. I am not good at playing that game. This was too big!
All the areas of our lives that this affected made it such that we just couldn't play along. Essentially, we stayed away from these people, they didn't want to know and we didn't have the emotional energy at the time to make them face the facts. Amazingly enough most of these people wrote letters in support of Patrick to the judge asking for leniency.
The leaders weren't discouraging it and hey, he was Patrick Rojas, and it was only "inappropriate affections." They didn't bother to ask us questions, or take the time to call the prosecutor, nor the sheriff detective in charge of the case. They simple pulled their heads out of the sand, wrote a letter of support for Patrick, and stuck their heads back in the sand.
Then when the true nature of Patrick and the crimes he committed were exposed they acted as if they shouldn't be held accountable for writing the letters of support because, "If they knew then what they know now......" THEY NEVER BOTHERED TO ASK QUESTIONS. To be fair the congregation was all but forbidden to speak about what was happening between the Rojas family and the Schneider family. This should have been a RED FLAG!
I don't even know what to say about the people who would quote scripture only to us. I have to be careful here so I am not misunderstood. When I would tell someone about what had happened in our family and then their response was something along the lines of, "Just trust God," "God is in control," or "God is sovereign." I wanted to shake the person and say,
"Does that make you feel better because it doesn't change any of the consequences that our family will endure."
Their statements actually made me somewhat defensive, what exactly were they implying? I felt like I needed to defend the fact that I was undone by what happened to my child and by who and with the help of others that I had respected and trusted. The countenance of the person and the way in which they were talking to me made it seem as if I was suppose to be happy about all of this because it was Gods' will. If I would just trust God everything would be fine. It was like I was doing something wrong by mourning the betrayal of so many people.
*From "Reactions" post.