WTF

Again, Sometimes it's appropriate to swear.....

Today was the day I went to court to request a permanent "no contact order" on behalf of the victimized child in my family. I arrived at the court house and was waiting in the hallway with my dear friend, Deb. Debbie was the first to notice that Patrick had arrived. He was dressed in a suit and tie. We didn't notice his attorney. Frankly, I was surprised to see Patrick. WHY would Patrick need to be in attendance if he wasn't going to contest the No Contact Order?

All the petitioners and defendants were ushered into a court room together. No one other than the petitioner, defendants,and counsel were allowed in the room. Our petition was literally the last one to be called, three hours later. We stepped up, swore in, and Patrick started by stating he had hired an attorney (the same slick Seattle lawyer that defended him from the beginning, I don't want to name him and give him free advertisement) and that his lawyer wasn't able to attend because of a conflict and requested a two week temporary extension so Patrick's lawyer could get acquainted with this petition. Patrick also mentioned that his lawyer might not be able to make the next court date as well.

I asked the judge if I should assume this meant Patrick was contesting the petition. The judge stated that I could assume what I wanted but that he supposed this to be true. Patrick stayed silent. I also stated that I had been advised that if Patrick hired an attorney, I was entitled to have a court appointed attorney on behalf of my child. The pro tem judge had to verify what I was asking because the judge hadn't had that request before. While the information was being verified I stood in silence with Patrick about 4 feet away. I couldn't help it.....the tears started to stream down my face. I just kept thinking WHY?.....WHY would Patrick contest our request? It is completely reasonable for us to request a no contact order until our child is an adult.

There are only two reason that I can think of for Patrick to contest this no contact order; to have the ability to contact our child or simply to mess with our family. This order wouldn't put any additional restrictions on Patrick outside of what would apply to our family that he is not already restricted from because of his level 2 sex offender status. The no contact order would give our child a sense of peace and safety. Our child has expressed anxiety that Patrick would try to contact the child.

Are Patrick's actions what you would expect from someone that is remorseful and repentant? Again, I warn you to listen to what Patrick does not what Patrick says!

A Stirring

I had been considering what I would be highlighting in my next few posts and wasn't sensing a clear direction when I received the link from Brian Byrd, The Tragic Case of Patrick Rojas. It took me a full day to even digest all that Brian wrote. I felt Brian was very articulate in what he wrote, he seems to be very passionate about the truth being revealed, and willing to take an active role. The support of this stranger has stirred many emotions inside of me. The greatest emotion is one of thankfulness! I am sincerely grateful to Brian and his family and appreciate the time,energy, and prayer that was put into seeking the truth. I appreciate the risk of negative feedback and judgment he might possibly face for calling out a "brother in Christ" publicly. Something Brian wrote in an e-mail to me was so simple, yet so profound, "It doesn't seem time for soft little whispers."

In general I know there are many people that have said they were praying for our family. I believe the prayers have carried us in many ways. There have been times when I have struggled the most where I have been unable to utter a prayer myself. I am slightly afraid to get excited about the possibility of Brian's web page being used by God to shine a light on the location of Eddie Rojas. The excitement is stirring inside of my spirit. As I have considered my hesitation and mixed emotions it became clear to me that this was something I needed to commit to prayer.

If you are reading this post. If you are a believer in our Lord Jesus Christ. Will you spend some time in earnest prayer over this matter? Pray for the truth to penetrate the darkness. Pray for the location of Eddie Rojas to be revealed to the proper authorities or that Eddie Rojas turns himself in to the authorities. Pray for the little sisters of Patrick to receive the help they must desperately need. Pray that the church as a whole wakes up to the stronghold that the enemy has in the area of childhood sexual abuse within the body of Christ. Pray for a vision or leading on how you can make a difference in this area of need.

Good Thing

Mid July 2009, I received an e-mail from someone who had read this blog. This person, Brian Byrd, requested that I send him a copy of the psycho sexual evaluation that Patrick had taken. He told me he was long time friends with the Rojas's. Brian noted I was a stranger therefor he wanted to verify the information I was posting on this blog. I sent him a request form that he could send to the prosecutor asking for a copy of the evaluation.

I respect the fact that Brian decided to investigate and search for the truth. Brian was getting two very different versions of why the Rojas's were in hiding and what Patrick had done. He didn't just stop reading my blog and believe what he was selectively being told by Kathy Rojas. Brian took his time and contacted individuals and was willing to hear truth even if it hurt to hear it.

Brian a stranger to my family decided he would assist in getting the truth out.(as of 3/11/10 Brian removed his articles) This is a good thing! Having someone that isn't involved in anyway. Who actually has a long history with Eddie and Kathy Rojas, who makes statements such as Brian does on his page, will I believe penetrate a group of people that are refusing to consider the truth in what I am writing because they consider it bias.

Brian thank you for supporting the truth!

The Pressure

looking back....

I didn't realize just how much pressure we were under when we still lived in the same community as Patrick and the elders, Jim Cameron and Dave Barrueto. I am so glad that we were able to finally move away. We are now in the city. I know with my head that we are in an area with a larger percentage of criminals than the area we moved from but the freedom we feel here is un-describable.

Anywhere I went I needed to scan for Patrick or someone that was a supporter of him. It wasn't just seeing them that was the problem. Most of the individuals wouldn't think twice about approaching me and trying to give me a hug or something along those lines. The last time my friend that was very outspoken about Patrick ran into him at the Gig Harbor Albertons (this year), Patrick actually flashed her a smile. He is very aware of her opinion of him, yet he felt it was appropriate to smile at her. She was stunned to say the least.

I am thankful that I never did run into Patrick but there were many close calls. I would hear from someone that they just saw him at one place or another. It would be somewhere we had just left or were heading out to go to. One of my children unfortunately saw Patrick, when Patrick was touring the Gig Harbor YMCA. Despite assurance from the YMCA that Patrick, being a level 2 sex offender wouldn't be granted a membership, our child dramatically halted attending the YMCA.

Someone I saw regularly was Jim Cameron. I actually decided to change some of my routines to avoid seeing him. It was too hard for me to even see him. I still hate him. To think Jim knew in detail what happened to our child and that he knew we didn't know, yet he stayed quiet. Jim actually mislead the detective in his official statement. Jim did all this with such arrogance. To know that legally nothing will be done to hold Jim accountable still eats at me.

First Introduction to Sexual Intimacy

Back to our story...

One of the things that was robbed from my child was learning first about the beauty of sexual intimacy in the way God intended. I hadn't even talked with this child that was molested about sexual intimacy or puberty in any detail. This child was so naive to that dimension of life.

My first discussions with this child about sexual intimacy was about a sexual deviant. I had to talk with this child about twisted individuals who do terrible things to children to fulfill disgusting desires. I needed to explain something to the child that they had no frame of reference for. Their first introduction to sexual intimacy was one of darkness.

Nothing can give back the innocence that was stolen by Patrick Rojas. Frankly, his parents, Eddie and Kathy Rojas are also responsible.

Of course I assured my child that they were not responsible in anyway for what had happened. That in no way was this child part of the darkness. Because of the lack of initial understanding this child is highly likely to have a point in their young adulthood of needing to process with a greater understanding what was done to them.

This is only one of the reasons our family can't "just move on" like some people seem to feel we should do. We do move on and then have to deal with something that is directly related and it throws us back, then we need to adjust, deal with whatever and try again to live life........

Bitterness

expressive of severe pain, grief, or regret <bitter tears>

Am I bitter? I haven't forgiven Patrick or others. I still want to see justice. I am willing to be honest about my true feeling regardless of knowing I will be negatively judged by some. I do not have a defense. If you don't get it from our story on this blog then I don't know that you will ever get it.

I know all the Christianese about bitterness and forgiveness. I also know that living out grief isn't pretty. Really, I believe I am still grieving everything that was done to our family and everything that our family has lost. I really am not one for pity parties but I do think I am forever changed. What happened literally unleashed a personal tsunami in my life.

I see bitterness as being a sin if I was stuck in bitterness. I do not believe I am stuck. I see myself as struggling. Struggling not to be stuck, not to become hard, not to become bitter. I see myself on an honest to God path to healing.

Being Real

I have a hard time saying out loud that 2yrs ago Patrick was sentenced for the crimes against my child. Two years sounds like such a long time ago. I can remember in a session with my counselor, when we were discussing leaving the door open on some of the relationships from the church and with some of the individuals that hurt me by the choices they made in supporting Patrick and the elders. The counselor made an off the cuff remark about two years from then.....I remember giving myself permission to grieve and understanding that this wasn't going away any time soon. But really two years. Here I am two plus years later and this is still a very big part of my life.