If someone asks him, ‘What are these wounds on your body?’ he will answer, ‘The wounds I was given at the house of my friends.’ Zech 13 v 6

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Still Hurting, Struggling and Battling

I don't have much if any contact with the other families that fellowshipped at PHOF during the time when everything happened to our family. I have talked in previous posts about the different times I drew a line and cut off contact with families that stayed on the other side of the line. Since that time some families have "seen the light" so to speak and regret some of their choices. I have also posted about my understanding of their heart change but that for me it is a little too little a little too late, in the context of restoring of the relationship. But Forgiveness, I can do.

Recently, I have come to know about some of the struggles that other families are continuing to deal with because of the crimes that Patrick committed and the choices that Eddie and Kathy and the church leadership made in relation to our case. I have known that we weren't the only "victims" although we were the center of the crimes and betrayals.

In a strange way it helps me to know that myself and individuals in my family are not the only ones still daily if not weekly dealing with the emotional fall out of all the harm that was done. Sometimes when I look at what I am dealing with in relation to the time that has passed, I do wonder if in someway I am hindering my own healing process. Especially when I get some of the Rojas supporter comments. I don't know why I allow their comments to affect me. Or others who wish I could just "move on."

I am not glad that others are still hurting, struggling and battling within but it does help put into perspective my own lingering struggles that are directly related. I wonder if Patrick, Jairus, Eddie and Kathy along with Jim and Dave really grasp all the lives they damaged. This could have played out so differently. There were numerous opportunities to do the right thing starting when Patrick was 15 years old. My heart is heavy with all the pain they caused others along their paths. All the more reason my blog needs to stay in tact. Names and all!


Anonymous said...

We continue to pray for you. It does sometimes help to know that other people struggle. Not as an excuse for staying as you are, but for understanding as you grow and allow the Lord to work in your life.

Danielle said...

It's true. But it's been a strange revelation to me. I know I am not "stuck," I am in the process BUT I sometimes feel pressure (imagined or real)that others believe I should be at a different part in my healing process. Being out of touch with the others that literally experienced what I post about, leaves me at a disadvantage. If they choose to read my blog, they know where I am and what I am still struggling with but I don't know that they too are still struggling and clearly still on the healing path.

Danielle said...

Also, thank you for the continued prayer covering.

V_Berry said...

Please know that my husband and I are praying for you and your family. We pray that this comes to a speedy and justified end soon.

Anonymous said...

I swear some of your blogs are like reading about my life. No one understands the pain you feel as a parent except for others who have walked along a similar path. On our end we have lost so many family members who continued to associate with the trash that hurt my child. Telling me to forgive and move on....I just want to go off on people who say that, because they don't know, they don't know the feelings of frustration, the tears you have daily, the guilt, everything......they have no idea what you feel let alone to say "forgive, forget, and move on", my child will never be able to forget what happened to her, it has changed her entirely, she is not that same lil' girl that she used to be, so how do you just move on. It is a genuine unfair statement that no one has the right to make to you, to us, to others who have walked this path, who have been drug down a path we did not choose to take, someone chose it for us. My entire family has became the outcast. They act like my daughter has a disease. Some days you just want to crawl under a rock for a break from society. We used to have the best marriage ever, I actually did not mind bills, or the occasional blip of everyday life struggles, but this changed us, everything about us, we became a borderline hermits, and when I finally did after 2 years decide to go out on a date with my husband out of all things that could happen, we ran into the trash that hurt her. Going places are a struggle now, allowing her to go places are a struggle. We will never get back to where we were in life.