If someone asks him, ‘What are these wounds on your body?’ he will answer, ‘The wounds I was given at the house of my friends.’ Zech 13 v 6

Monday, June 8, 2009

Patrick's Profile

Patrick doesn't exactly fit the "profile of a pedophile" information I shared on the previous post. I will point out how his behavior in hindsight really did have some of the red flags. I have to remind myself regularly everything is easier to see in hindsight. I understand that a good pedophile goes undetected because they groom the entire family and are usually patient. Knowing that doesn't ease the pain and the guilt I feel. I was sensitive to this issue and even I was fooled. THAT IS WHAT I WANT YOU TO GET.
With that said, it would seem we are all so vulnerable. Our children especially.

The church we were attending was almost exclusively all homeschooling families. It promoted the inter-generational interaction which homeschooling promotes, so the fact that Patrick interacted well with children made perfect sense. The fact that being a mentor and an example is expected of the young adults, so the tutoring and interaction with our one child seemed ideal. Patrick came from a family that did things as a whole family as much as possible. That is also how the church liked to plan most church gatherings.

The fact that Patrick was at our home regularly during this time period made sense as well. We had moved. We were overwhelmed with a newborn, 5 other children, and all that needed to be done in this new home which needed a lot of attention. Our church promoted (as all should) knowing the needs and helping those in need in the congregation. Patrick had time and was happy to help. He called regularly. He helped Eric set up our computer (Patrick is a whiz on the computer). During this time, Patrick learned our password to our computer by watching Eric over his shoulder (unbeknownst to us.) He brought us kindling wood because we were heating strictly with a wood stove. He was tutoring one of our children. He was leaving seemingly innocent notes to another child that said things like, "Smile Jesus Loves You." He was either bringing candy to all the children or sometimes only to one of them. At Christmas time, Patrick knew our family was financially struggling, so he hid presents under our tree for all the children. He rallied his family to gift us money to buy a Christmas tree.

Can you see how the Christian community and values are a playground for a pedophile? If this type of behavior was from a non-Christian, I like to believe I would have been suspicious. Instead, I saw the behavior as selfless, which our church strongly believed was central to living out the gospel of Christ.

Where Patrick doesn't fit the profile is that Patrick stated in his evaluation that he himself was not molested. It is more common for boys who are molested as children to grow up and have pedophilia behavior. This leaves me to wonder if the behavior was learned. Or was Patrick just born evil?


Anonymous said...

About ten years ago, the Rojas' were appointed pastors of our church. It was a strange fit, so we left but my good friend stayed along with her family. They became close, and when Jairus was 19, he kissed my friends' daughter, not quite 12. Eddie told the parents that he was just curious and was then disciplined, and also stated that their daughter was flirtatious. Didn't think too much of the whole thing, until reading your story. That family... I knew something was not quite "right". I am sorry for all that has happened to you and hope you can heal.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry I don't know your name, because I was just skimming your page. You said something on his profile that I wanted to correct. Our family has been victimized also not by Patrick but my stepson. He was a victim at a young age. I have since gotten involved at the Sexual Assault in Tacoma,Washington as an outlet for my pain and grief. I was in a meeting with the head Counselor- Stephaine. they are the only certified counseling center for this crime in the county. I made a comment that I know my stepson did this because he was a victim also. She stopped me mid sentence and corrected me. According to her most victims so not reoffend!!! She says she sat in on studies where male childhood victims were interviewed and studied carefully. The majority have never offended anyone and they said it was because they didn't want to hurt anyone else. she lead me to believe that those who re offend have other issues that lead them to offend. So the profile most watch for isn't really the leading factor after all. i just wanted to state this because I want victim's to know they aren't destined to offend someone else and so that the reason cause of this perversion might be found.

I feel horrible for your family. I hope that this comes to a close for you soon. I know that it is a wound that only Christ can heal and sometimes that is not until much time has passed. God Bless you in your search. It seems as Eddie is hiding his girl's because they have family secrets. I pray for those girls also. Much love and admiration,

Danielle said...

Shannon, I know first hand (I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse) that being abused DOES NOT MEAN A PERSON WILL ABUSE. However, from my research and information I have been told by specialist in the field (we dealt with people in the Kitsap area) that it is very common for a childhood victim (who has not dealt with their abuse) to re-offend. It can happen when they are children (acting out their abuse) or as an adult (control and power issues) BUT then you have our case where the abuser claims not to have been sexually abused.

I am glad that you re-iterated that just because an individual has been abused does not doom that individual to be an abuser. But I would urge anyone that has been abused to please get help, tell someone, do not continue to be a victim in silence!