If someone asks him, ‘What are these wounds on your body?’ he will answer, ‘The wounds I was given at the house of my friends.’ Zech 13 v 6

Monday, March 5, 2012

Patrick Is Repentant - It's All Good Now

By this point, Eric and I and two of our children were in therapy. It's a good thing! It was great for both Eric and I to be able to go to someone not connected in any way so that we could sort through our emotions and sort through how we interpreted others actions. Expensive but necessary! This was a vital part of the road to recovery and healing. Recovery from cult-like thinking and healing from all the betrayals.

When we arrived home from the Heritage Home Educators of Washington Conference, we made some phone calls and asked for a meeting with the elders, the Rojas's , and some other couples. We wanted them to see first-hand how we were being treated. (Another weird thing in all of this was that if someone didn't hear or see something first hand, it wasn't to be fully believed. It was considered gossip. Another example of control.) This meeting was held at a neutral home.

After we left the meeting, Eric and I were almost certain we were done with the church. In no way were they concerned for our victimized child or sensitive to us as the parents. We felt like the others in the room were able to see the elders and their demeanor and attitudes toward us. They were able to witness Eddie and his tirade about the non biblical therapy Patrick was having to sit through and the Bible study he was responding so well to. The only apology we received was from an oppressed Kathy Rojas who said," If she would have known we were attending the conference they wouldn't have had Patrick attend with their family." I wanted to say,"Whatever, you know we go every year!" I was told from a third-party, Kathy knew we were attending . Eddie quickly redirected the conversation. At that point I had stopped listening.

Everything ended with the basic sentiments that Dave and Jim were doing the "best they could" (this was a regular statement made in defense of the elders) and now finally understood that they needed to be more sensitive and over-communicate with us regarding Patrick. It was specifically mentioned that Patrick wouldn't just show up anywhere we might be. That one of the elders would notify Eric if Patrick would be at a gathering or meeting we would possibly be at. Remember this is a fairly small church and everyone is intertwined with each other. Some in the room felt like it was a positive meeting. As if all the previous passive preferences for Patrick by the elders and Eddie (the pastor) were a huge misunderstanding and it was all cleared up now.

On the other hand, Eric and I had the sense that the elders and the Rojas's didn't get any of it. They didn't want to even consider the fact that Patrick was a predator, even though the Rojas's secretly knew he had other victims. They didn't want to admit that he was even a threat, even though the elders knew the full details of what he had done to our child. (The actual details would make you physically sick to know them.) They found it hard to grasp that we didn't even want to visually see Patrick, even if it was only from across a room full of people. They didn't understand why we couldn't just all gather together and worship God and act as if things were fine, because you know, Patrick was repentant, so it was all suppose to be good now. 

*From "Another Meeting"

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