WTF

Again, Sometimes it's appropriate to swear.....

Today was the day I went to court to request a permanent "no contact order" on behalf of the victimized child in my family. I arrived at the court house and was waiting in the hallway with my dear friend, Deb. Debbie was the first to notice that Patrick had arrived. He was dressed in a suit and tie. We didn't notice his attorney. Frankly, I was surprised to see Patrick. WHY would Patrick need to be in attendance if he wasn't going to contest the No Contact Order?

All the petitioners and defendants were ushered into a court room together. No one other than the petitioner, defendants,and counsel were allowed in the room. Our petition was literally the last one to be called, three hours later. We stepped up, swore in, and Patrick started by stating he had hired an attorney (the same slick Seattle lawyer that defended him from the beginning, I don't want to name him and give him free advertisement) and that his lawyer wasn't able to attend because of a conflict and requested a two week temporary extension so Patrick's lawyer could get acquainted with this petition. Patrick also mentioned that his lawyer might not be able to make the next court date as well.

I asked the judge if I should assume this meant Patrick was contesting the petition. The judge stated that I could assume what I wanted but that he supposed this to be true. Patrick stayed silent. I also stated that I had been advised that if Patrick hired an attorney, I was entitled to have a court appointed attorney on behalf of my child. The pro tem judge had to verify what I was asking because the judge hadn't had that request before. While the information was being verified I stood in silence with Patrick about 4 feet away. I couldn't help it.....the tears started to stream down my face. I just kept thinking WHY?.....WHY would Patrick contest our request? It is completely reasonable for us to request a no contact order until our child is an adult.

There are only two reason that I can think of for Patrick to contest this no contact order; to have the ability to contact our child or simply to mess with our family. This order wouldn't put any additional restrictions on Patrick outside of what would apply to our family that he is not already restricted from because of his level 2 sex offender status. The no contact order would give our child a sense of peace and safety. Our child has expressed anxiety that Patrick would try to contact the child.

Are Patrick's actions what you would expect from someone that is remorseful and repentant? Again, I warn you to listen to what Patrick does not what Patrick says!

A Stirring

I had been considering what I would be highlighting in my next few posts and wasn't sensing a clear direction when I received the link from Brian Byrd, The Tragic Case of Patrick Rojas. It took me a full day to even digest all that Brian wrote. I felt Brian was very articulate in what he wrote, he seems to be very passionate about the truth being revealed, and willing to take an active role. The support of this stranger has stirred many emotions inside of me. The greatest emotion is one of thankfulness! I am sincerely grateful to Brian and his family and appreciate the time,energy, and prayer that was put into seeking the truth. I appreciate the risk of negative feedback and judgment he might possibly face for calling out a "brother in Christ" publicly. Something Brian wrote in an e-mail to me was so simple, yet so profound, "It doesn't seem time for soft little whispers."

In general I know there are many people that have said they were praying for our family. I believe the prayers have carried us in many ways. There have been times when I have struggled the most where I have been unable to utter a prayer myself. I am slightly afraid to get excited about the possibility of Brian's web page being used by God to shine a light on the location of Eddie Rojas. The excitement is stirring inside of my spirit. As I have considered my hesitation and mixed emotions it became clear to me that this was something I needed to commit to prayer.

If you are reading this post. If you are a believer in our Lord Jesus Christ. Will you spend some time in earnest prayer over this matter? Pray for the truth to penetrate the darkness. Pray for the location of Eddie Rojas to be revealed to the proper authorities or that Eddie Rojas turns himself in to the authorities. Pray for the little sisters of Patrick to receive the help they must desperately need. Pray that the church as a whole wakes up to the stronghold that the enemy has in the area of childhood sexual abuse within the body of Christ. Pray for a vision or leading on how you can make a difference in this area of need.

Good Thing

Mid July 2009, I received an e-mail from someone who had read this blog. This person, Brian Byrd, requested that I send him a copy of the psycho sexual evaluation that Patrick had taken. He told me he was long time friends with the Rojas's. Brian noted I was a stranger therefor he wanted to verify the information I was posting on this blog. I sent him a request form that he could send to the prosecutor asking for a copy of the evaluation.

I respect the fact that Brian decided to investigate and search for the truth. Brian was getting two very different versions of why the Rojas's were in hiding and what Patrick had done. He didn't just stop reading my blog and believe what he was selectively being told by Kathy Rojas. Brian took his time and contacted individuals and was willing to hear truth even if it hurt to hear it.

Brian a stranger to my family decided he would assist in getting the truth out.(as of 3/11/10 Brian removed his articles) This is a good thing! Having someone that isn't involved in anyway. Who actually has a long history with Eddie and Kathy Rojas, who makes statements such as Brian does on his page, will I believe penetrate a group of people that are refusing to consider the truth in what I am writing because they consider it bias.

Brian thank you for supporting the truth!

The Pressure

looking back....

I didn't realize just how much pressure we were under when we still lived in the same community as Patrick and the elders, Jim Cameron and Dave Barrueto. I am so glad that we were able to finally move away. We are now in the city. I know with my head that we are in an area with a larger percentage of criminals than the area we moved from but the freedom we feel here is un-describable.

Anywhere I went I needed to scan for Patrick or someone that was a supporter of him. It wasn't just seeing them that was the problem. Most of the individuals wouldn't think twice about approaching me and trying to give me a hug or something along those lines. The last time my friend that was very outspoken about Patrick ran into him at the Gig Harbor Albertons (this year), Patrick actually flashed her a smile. He is very aware of her opinion of him, yet he felt it was appropriate to smile at her. She was stunned to say the least.

I am thankful that I never did run into Patrick but there were many close calls. I would hear from someone that they just saw him at one place or another. It would be somewhere we had just left or were heading out to go to. One of my children unfortunately saw Patrick, when Patrick was touring the Gig Harbor YMCA. Despite assurance from the YMCA that Patrick, being a level 2 sex offender wouldn't be granted a membership, our child dramatically halted attending the YMCA.

Someone I saw regularly was Jim Cameron. I actually decided to change some of my routines to avoid seeing him. It was too hard for me to even see him. I still hate him. To think Jim knew in detail what happened to our child and that he knew we didn't know, yet he stayed quiet. Jim actually mislead the detective in his official statement. Jim did all this with such arrogance. To know that legally nothing will be done to hold Jim accountable still eats at me.

First Introduction to Sexual Intimacy

Back to our story...

One of the things that was robbed from my child was learning first about the beauty of sexual intimacy in the way God intended. I hadn't even talked with this child that was molested about sexual intimacy or puberty in any detail. This child was so naive to that dimension of life.

My first discussions with this child about sexual intimacy was about a sexual deviant. I had to talk with this child about twisted individuals who do terrible things to children to fulfill disgusting desires. I needed to explain something to the child that they had no frame of reference for. Their first introduction to sexual intimacy was one of darkness.

Nothing can give back the innocence that was stolen by Patrick Rojas. Frankly, his parents, Eddie and Kathy Rojas are also responsible.

Of course I assured my child that they were not responsible in anyway for what had happened. That in no way was this child part of the darkness. Because of the lack of initial understanding this child is highly likely to have a point in their young adulthood of needing to process with a greater understanding what was done to them.

This is only one of the reasons our family can't "just move on" like some people seem to feel we should do. We do move on and then have to deal with something that is directly related and it throws us back, then we need to adjust, deal with whatever and try again to live life........

Bitterness

expressive of severe pain, grief, or regret <bitter tears>

Am I bitter? I haven't forgiven Patrick or others. I still want to see justice. I am willing to be honest about my true feeling regardless of knowing I will be negatively judged by some. I do not have a defense. If you don't get it from our story on this blog then I don't know that you will ever get it.

I know all the Christianese about bitterness and forgiveness. I also know that living out grief isn't pretty. Really, I believe I am still grieving everything that was done to our family and everything that our family has lost. I really am not one for pity parties but I do think I am forever changed. What happened literally unleashed a personal tsunami in my life.

I see bitterness as being a sin if I was stuck in bitterness. I do not believe I am stuck. I see myself as struggling. Struggling not to be stuck, not to become hard, not to become bitter. I see myself on an honest to God path to healing.

Being Real

I have a hard time saying out loud that 2yrs ago Patrick was sentenced for the crimes against my child. Two years sounds like such a long time ago. I can remember in a session with my counselor, when we were discussing leaving the door open on some of the relationships from the church and with some of the individuals that hurt me by the choices they made in supporting Patrick and the elders. The counselor made an off the cuff remark about two years from then.....I remember giving myself permission to grieve and understanding that this wasn't going away any time soon. But really two years. Here I am two plus years later and this is still a very big part of my life.

Today

It is still hard for me to believe....when I went to the Kitsap county courthouse this morning, who pops up on the sidewalk just in front of me, Patrick Rojas, unbelievable. I kept going but slowed my pace down. Patrick was finishing up at the security check point when he looked up and saw me. I just stared at him. I actually felt numb. No emotion really either way. I know I hate him and all that he stands for but didn't feel anything. This is the first time I have seen him in person since Patrick's sentencing, literally 2yrs ago to the day. Someone wrote on my facebook page today, "life is interesting, ain't it?" That is one way to put it.

After everything, because our family now lives in Pierce county the trip this morning was for not. I had to turn around and go to the Tacoma courthouse and re-fill out essentially the same paperwork. I had to then return after noon to find out if the no contact order was issued. Good news, the court has issued a temporary no contact order and the hearing for a permanent one is soon. But wait, because Patrick lives in Kitsap county I had to run the sheriff's copy back down to the Kitsap county office so Patrick could be served the order. Patrick is scheduled to be served the no contact order and hearing date tomorrow.

This morning after seeing Patrick and finding out I needed to do the same thing just in a different county, I could understand why some people just quit. I wanted to quit. Just tell myself, "forget it, this is too much work and Patrick probably won't try and contact my child." But the still small voice inside kept me focused. Our boundaries need to be legally clear. I need to do everything to protect my child. What if ? I can't live with the what if. This way "if " Patrick for some insane reason tries to communicate with our child we will have legal recourse. It's not much but it's something. Our child told me the other night they were "freaked out" at the possibility of Patrick ever contacting them and the no contact order will bring a sense of control.

Paperwork

This pile of paperwork is what I need to fill out in order to extend the protection order so Patrick can not contact our child in any way. I have to be in court Monday morning (tomorrow) to request the two week temporary extension of protection. Sometime in the two week period I will need to appear before another judge and explain why I want an extension of protection until my child is 18yrs old.

The way this has played out it will have taken me an e-mail that was never responded to, two phone calls to the probation officer, literally, a pile of paperwork and a total of three trips to the courthouse just to make sure Patrick legally can not contact our child while they are still a minor. We hope Patrick never tries to contact anyone of us in our family but we can only legally protect the actual victim. Our system is so hard to maneuver through but I feel it is very important to make it legally clear that we don't want Patrick to contact our child. Remember, Patrick told us he thought he loved our child. As much as I would like to say, "Of course Patrick won't try and contact us." I really don't want to take the chance. It would be devastating to our child if Patrick contacted them via e-mail or some other way.

What About Patrick?

In our particular case, I do not believe the church should be supporting Patrick, because he has chosen not to confess the names of his five other victims. He has made it clear that avoiding additional charges is more important than confession and repentance. His choice to avoid taking responsibility for his crimes has set in motion the hiding of his minor sisters. His lack of confession continues their victimization. Consider for a moment what message that sends to these girls. The family seems to be saying that Patrick's freedom is more important than his sisters' chances for healing.

Patrick used the letter of the law and confessed his crimes, but chose to take his attorney's advice not to name his additional victims to avoid additional charges. Patrick knew without named victims he could not be charged for the crimes he admitted to in his evaluation. The state would need to interview the suspected victims in order to press further charges. All of this was known by Patrick.

Until Patrick contacts Kelly Montgomery and names his other victims, I believe he is still actively choosing to live in darkness. Therefore, I believe the Christian community should not be supporting Patrick, except in encouraging him to confess his crimes and allow his victimized sisters to begin getting the therapy and support they must desperately need. While Patrick's victimized sisters are still suffering because of his unconfessed crimes, he should not be treated as if he is walking in the light.

How, Then

I believe there should be a place in the body of Christ for everyone. In saying that, I am not saying everyone should have the same freedom in the body of Christ.

A pedophile, Christian or not, should be willing to be identified as a sexual deviant in the body if their reasons for attending a church are pure. The priority of the leadership should be the protection of innocence in the church. Not the protection of one individual's right to hide their sexual deviant behaviors. I do not see hiding someone's dangerous behaviors from vulnerable people as loving or Christ-like.

If the church wants to get real about the epidemic of childhood sexual abuse, then the body of believers and their leadership need to start talking about it more openly. Where is the right place for a sexual predator to fellowship? How should their identity be accessible? The church also needs to be realistic about the long-term monitoring that a sexual predator needs.

A pedophile in particular should not be around children. Pedophiles should seek out Christian fellowship in adult-only groups. Even in an adult-only group, the pedophile should be transparent about their deviant behavior so each person can choose if they want to fellowship with the individual.

As far as how to have knowledge if a sexual offender is in a particular church, I have had the idea of having a book that identifies known sex offenders available in the church office. Something similar to the sex offender registry online. If a known sex offender attends, then the offender should willingly allow a profile of their crime and charges to be posted in the book for other church attendees to view. This would be a way to not publicly humiliate the offender, yet would still give the general church population the choice to view the book and decide if it would be appropriate for them to fellowship with the individual. The church leadership would also need to monitor the relationships of the predator to make sure no inappropriate relationships develop.

There is no way to really know with certainty if a sexual predator is "healed." It would be a heinous crime to take the risk and expose an innocent child to a pedophile to test if they were healed. The predator in our case WAS in church. He clearly was not healed, as our child became his victim number six.

Separation from children is a burden the sexual predator must bear for life.

Choice

Speaking in general, I think it is wrong for someone in a church leadership role to determine if an individual convicted of a sexual crime is safe and should be around me or my family. I firmly believe that one of the ways to identify a sexual predator who is sincerely repentant is that the individual is transparent about their status as a sexual predator. I should have the choice to fellowship with the individual or not with full knowledge of their potential danger to me or my family.

My family was not given a choice. Eddie, Kathy and Jairus Rojas decided Patrick Rojas was repentant of his first victims and that he had stopped his sexual deviant behavior. They were wrong. My family suffered the consequences of their misjudgment.

I hope I am adequately communicating my point.

Thoughts

Why do some people minimize childhood sexual abuse?

I wonder if it because they don't really face it and consider in detail what really happens to a child.

I wonder, is it because they are offenders as well?

I wonder if it because they have other sexual deviant behaviors such as pornography and minimize sexual abuse to minimize their problem.

Do they not consider the instantaneous change that happens to the child that is sexually abused?

Why would any adult even consider keeping secret the abuse of a child?

Why with so many victims/adult survivors in our society are-our laws so lenient?

Why does the Christian community so easily allow these predators back into fellowship without much if any real safe guards for children?

Do you realize YOU ARE THE CHURCH?

This is one area where I see the world's standards are actually higher than the christian community. At least the world considers the crime of childhood sexual abuse/rape severe enough that the predator needs to be labeled and identified by picture and approximation of location and posted for the public. A lot of the church as we have experienced thus far feels the predator needs a chance to groom another victim by keeping their crimes secret all in the name of Jesus and the spirit of forgiveness. Am I the only one that believes that thinking is so not Jesus. The "church" needs to get REAL about this issue and protect the innocent first and for most. I believe that is what should be done in the name of Jesus.

Next to murder, I consider childhood sexual abuse to be one of the worst things in life for a child to endure.

Taking A Stand

He creeps into our world once again. It was discovered that Patrick was in fellowship with some individuals at PLU who are associated with the only other church our family has attended (we had attended this church for 12yrs.) We still have a very good friend who attends the church, Puget Sound Christian Center (PSCC.) We also have a history with the head pastor. Our friend panicked at the thought that Patrick would attend her church. She was disheartened to think her leadership would support such an individual. Upon hearing the connection she immediately called the head pastor, Lance Powers, to see if he was aware of the connection. Lance was not aware of the Bible study Patrick was attending with one of the leaders from PSCC on the PLU campus.

I will say, yesterday, when all of this was going on I walked around numb. I was afraid of the reaction Lance would have. I was bracing my heart for yet another blow. Instead, within 24hrs of Lance being called on his vacation, I received a personal phone call from pastor Lance Powers assuring me all ties between Patrick Rojas and PSCC were broken. This is such a redeeming moment. A church leader was willing to take a side. To take a stand. Pastor Lance Powers took the side of the victim.

Lies

All the lies. I think that most of what Patrick says is poisoned by past and current lies. Patrick and his family were hiding the pedophilia behavior and incest that Patrick was involved in for years. Patrick talks about his compulsion to masturbate while thinking about his minor victims in his evaluation. Patrick talked about a time period where he would do this multiple times a day. Would he be doing this before,during, or after church service? Would he be doing this after doing family devotions?

I know it is disgusting to consider Patrick's behavior but it must be faced! Currently, Patrick has individuals that are "supporting him in this season of his life." Christians. Season of his life? This is Patrick's life! The people that scare me almost as much as Patrick are the Christians that believe they are qualified to discern proper boundaries for Patrick. I am referring to the Christians that have no specialized training to work with a sexual predator.

Be warned, Patrick might be in your church, your college community, your bible study. He will be very humble. He will exhibit all the external appropriate behaviors that you would want to see in someone who claims to be repentant. Remember what I have said in previous posts, Listen to what Patrick does not what he says. He still hasn't gone to the state and named his 5 additional victims and accepted whatever charges the state would file. That alone should be alarming to any christian. And in my humble opinion, knowing that should blow all kinds of holes in Patrick's claims to be repentant and changed!

Evil

Evil is no faceless stranger,
Living in a distant neighborhood.
Evil has a wholesome, hometown face,
with merry eyes and an open smile.
Evil walks among us, wearing a mask
which looks like all our faces.

~From the book "Counted Sorrows"

To be an effective child molester one has to have a certain charm about them. When caught this charm along with their lie that, "it will never happen again," more often than not convinces others not to report their crimes.

However slight, if you suspect that someone has had sexual contact with your child you need to report it. Let the authorities sort out the facts. In our day and age it is very hard to have actual charges filled against you unless there is adequate evidence. We need to get the pedophiles on the radar screen.

This post was inspired by my mother.

The Statement

My friends statement was a spontaneous one in the courtroom. Because it was so moving she was asked to write it down to the best of her memory so it could be on permit file in the court records. Since I have been writing about our awful court experience and have specifically mentioned this friend I asked her permission to post most of her statement. The issue of childhood sexual abuse is still very sensitive in her own family and in order to protect people she loves she has asked me not to specifically name her but very much wants me to post the statement. I have invited her to tell "her personal story" on this blog in time, if that is something she would ever see as profitable.

....As a victim of childhood sexual abuse. As such, I find myself in the unenviable position of being able to speak with some authority on the devastation sexual abuse causes. As an adult, I can tell you that I have moved far beyond the circumstances of my childhood, but the damage caused by sexual abuse never goes completely away.

Patrick Rojas stole so much from ------- the night he decided to sneak into her room and put his hands on her as she and her family slept in their home. He stole her innocence, her sense of security, her ability to trust herself and others, and he stole a part of her childhood that can never be reclaimed. Because sexual abuse affects more than just the victim, this has been forced on her parents and her siblings as well. In the Schneider family, time will always be measured in terms of “before Patrick” and “after Patrick.” No child or family deserves to be devastated in this manner.

Therapy and the grace of God will help ------- move on and help to heal her heart and mind, but nothing can completely mend the wounds Patrick has inflicted. No amount of time or therapy can change what has happened and make it go away.

Since ------ molestation has come to light, I have heard time and again that Patrick and the Rojas family have tried to minimize what Patrick did by calling it “just a kiss.” It wasn’t a kiss. It was a crime that Patrick sought to cover up by sneaking around in the night, writing ------ notes telling her not to talk to her parents and by lying to the Schneider’s, his family, his church and the court for months. As someone who suffered from sexual abuse as a girl, I find the attempts by Patrick and the Rojas family to minimize his behavior in this way to be deeply offensive. These attempts by the Rojas’ re-victimize ------ and her family by implying that they have overreacted, are vindictive or are just plain crazy. This is simply not true. Patrick committed a crime, he is a pedophile and he should be dealt with accordingly.

Patrick, a 22 year old man, sexually abused, ------, an adolescent. What I am asking the court is to not minimize this!

Please do not minimize this crime against a little child. They cannot minimize it, nor can their family or their closest friends. Please do not minimize what has been done to this lovely young child. Please do not let her be victimized a second time by a lack of a serious response to this crime. Help restore her faith in herself, her family and community by this court dealing with this matter with the full weight of the law. Help her achieve respect in her family, herself and the legal process of her community by treating this crime with the seriousness it deserves.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to address this court and to speak for ------, her family and for others who have suffered in the same way.

Sincerely,

Signed by my friend, who for personal reasons wants to remain nameless on this blog.

August

The time I have dreaded is here....Patrick will be off his probation this month. He will no longer be under any legal obligation to see a therapist. He will be able to go anywhere he wants. Your local family YMCA, local library, parks. The most obvious place for Patrick to fixate on his next victim is your church. Currently Patrick Rojas still resides in Port Orchard, WA. but will soon be free to live anywhere. Time will tell if he checks in with the sexual predator registry every 6months as the law states. Will Patrick meet up with his family in hiding? Will Patrick disappear as well? Will Patrick victimize another innocent child? Will Patrick ever live in the light? These are the questions that I struggle with.