One day I needed to run an errand with one of my children and we were in the fabric store and this song was playing over head, it caught my attention, here are some of the lyrics....
No one can find the rewind button girl,
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe,
Whoa breathe, just breath
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer
inside of me, threatening the life it belong to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to.....
Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
And breathe, just breathe
whoa breathe, just breathe,
oh breathe, just breathe.
*Anna Nalick - Breathe
Now in many of my posts I have mentioned that Kathy Rojas knew of her son, Patrick's, pedophilia behavior. It has been very upsetting over time as I have reflected on some of the interactions between myself and Kathy during this time. The original non emotion at the meeting at our home, with only a whisper of, "I'm sorry it was my son." Followed by a phone call a few nights later after I didn't show up at a women's book study letting me know that she missed me and wanted to know how I was doing. This was within hours of us just receiving a call from a man stating he was Patrick's lawyer who wanted to know the name of the Sheriff's detective who we spoke with.
We discovered what happened to our child on January 04, 2007. January 10, I started to receive cards from Kathy. One thing that struck me at the time was there was never any reference to what happened, they all contained personal messages that had the same theme: she loved me, they all loved us, God is faithful, God is in control, to trust in Jesus, that our family was continually in their prayers, these specific bible references:
Romans 8:28 - And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
1 Peter 5:7 - casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.
breathe....just breathe.
Kathy never bothers to mention the fact that she knows her son is a pedophile or maybe a little I'm sorry I didn't protect your family and I allowed my son, who is a sexual predator, to stay the night at your home. Or maybe a, my heart is broken for you, I know the agony you are feeling right now.
She just felt it urgent to tell me to "trust God."
Meaning what exactly?
Kind of like how they "trusted God" by hiding the truth and by going into hiding?
breathe....just breathe.
Another very long letter I received in April from a woman in the church ended with, "It's not about this trial that your facing, it's about God. He wants you to trust Him in it. I will continue to pray for you and your family to grow in Jesus...." This woman and her husband wrote a letter to the judge on behalf of Patrick. This family continues to attend the church.
breathe....just breathe.
There were other situations where an elder's wife wanted me to attend an annual homeschool planning meeting with Kathy Rojas. This person just could not wrap her mind around the fact that I was unable to be in the same room and act like there wasn't an elephant in the room.
breathe....just breathe.
There were some other gatherings that various families hosted, such as a musical recital, and they would invite the Rojas family (including Patrick) and our family. The Rojas family would show in force as if all was fine and we would be considered angry and bitter for not attending.
breathe....just breathe.
Because we reported a crime, because we were in mourning, because we set boundaries, because we wanted justice, we were not "trusting God?"
How about this, we "trusted God" to bring to light all that was hidden in darkness! And He did!
Now we are trusting God to shine a light on the area that Eddie and Kathy Rojas are in hiding!
breathe....just breathe.
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