If someone asks him, ‘What are these wounds on your body?’ he will answer, ‘The wounds I was given at the house of my friends.’ Zech 13 v 6

Monday, May 11, 2009

Don't Drink The Kool-Aid (part 2)

When we were attending the church, we didn't see things the way we do now. We saw respectful children. We saw families that were together, seemingly happy. We saw people that loved God and wanted to be servants of Christ. We saw families that believed it was possible to raise Christ-centered children. We saw a big, loving family. We saw people that actually put others before themselves and served others with joyful attitudes. We really thought we were in "the" church that had it right. The church preached accountability in love and not compromising the word of God.

Something that was always preached by pastor Eddie was taking responsibility for your actions. Yet when there was a real-life situation, Eddie supported his son by helping him get an attorney to avoid taking responsibility for his crimes. When we received the call from the attorney and realized he was hired by Patrick, I knew something wasn't right. The hiring of an attorney was so contradictory to how I would have expected the Rojas family to handle the situation.

It was also so strange when the leaders would actually get noticeably agitated if someone mentioned that Patrick was possibly a pedophile. These men knew all the details of his crime. His father, Eddie, even knew of other victims. But NO, Patrick was not a pedophile. It was simply inappropriate affections. Isn't it scary to think that these men, Eddie Rojas, Jim Cameron, and Dave Barrueto, believe that a 22-year-old man who has sexually violated six minor children, including a baby, is so trivial as to call it only inappropriate affections. I remember one of the elders making a comment about the fact that the Bible isn't really clear on this issue, which made it hard for them to know biblically what to do.

One thing I have mentioned before, but is worth a second mention, was the fact that the Rojas family didn't miss a beat when all of this happened. The next day after our meeting to the outside world, all was well with the Rojas's. They continued their same daily schedule. At the time, one of the sister's was also tutoring a different child of mine. I remember during the week she called to let me know she would still like to tutor this child if that was okay. I was shocked. No, she couldn't continue tutoring my other child. Her brother had committed a crime against our child and had hired an attorney and no one seemed bothered by that. No way was she going to tutor my child.

The pressure to come to forgiveness and reconciliation was huge! It wasn't true forgiveness without reconciliation, according to Jim Cameron. They spoke about forgiveness, but their actions and countenance communicated something entirely different. They were very concerned that we had become angry and bitter. Hello! Our child was sexually molested. YES, we were angry. The bitterness did come, but not without merit. The betrayal by the leaders and the betrayal by so many in our congregation did cause bitterness to grow. Both emotions are normal, healthy, even biblical. If you disagree, read some psalms.

I believe with all my heart God was angry! Sin comes in if we stay in our anger forever and turn from God. A person would have to be without emotion to endure what our family did and not end up with some negative emotions. When the elder's told us to "trust God," it was as if they really were saying, "IF you were trusting God, you wouldn't be upset. And watch out, because if you are angry, you are in sin. We are to count all things with joy."
I felt crazy. I couldn't go along with what they were insinuating, even if that meant I was in sin. I knew it would be devastating and wrong to put my child and her abuser in the same room and push reconciliation between our families. Thank God that He brought people alongside us that re affirmed that we were not crazy and that we needed to stop drinking the Kool-Aid.

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