I actually considered attending the wedding.

I am mad! I am stunned! I am about to vent.

I just saw some photos on facebook from the wedding my family was invited to. The invitation to this wedding caused me to post about how I wished those involved in the crimes against my child would stop trying to make us a part of their lives. The photos revealed who else was in attendance. I am astonished that after all this time, that after all the posts I have written someone would find it appropriate to invite my family to the same intimate event as Jim Cameron and Dave Barrueto. These men were key players in covering up the gravity of the crimes against my child. They both purposefully withheld information from the authorities, mislead the church congregation as to the gravity of Patrick's crimes, and have continued in fellowship and support of Patrick Rojas. I also believe that these men knew of Eddie Rojas's plan to evade the authorities and helped him leave the state with his family. There are other offenses that have been outlined in detail in previous posts. I bring the above up in this post just to show the insanity of inviting all of our families to the same event. Why would someone even want men like these at one of their most special times in life? Unless maybe they also belittle what these men did and the role they played in the crimes against my family.

This is another example of how the families in this circle of people make themselves feel good by sending us an invitation. It's rude. It's flat out mean.

When I received the invitation, foolishly, I assumed that some of the main players of deceit wouldn't be in attendance if we were invited. It was still a hard decision as to whether we should attend or not because I knew for sure there would be some families in attendance that would be hard to see because of the role they played. Self preservation won out. We were not going to attend the wedding.

When the invitee was addressing the wedding invitation to the Cameron family and the Barrueto family and the Schneider family, did they even consider that my child, the innocent victim, would have to be around these individuals if we attended? Did anyone consider the REAL victim in all of this? Actions taken, once again, would indicate NO.

REALLY the invitation that was sent to our family was in vain. They can say with their words that their intentions were innocent and out of love and wanting us to celebrate with them on their special day. I would reply, "That sounds nice, but REALLY? Would you please just face reality?" Is it loving to just toss out invites to all when you know what was done to our family by specific individuals?

I think I am maddest at myself. I actually considered attending the wedding.

There are so few appropriate words....

Song For A Friend
click the song title for the link to hear the song

"There are so few appropriate words.....and everything that I try to say ends up coming out absurd so I'm not ganna say anything to you....I'm just ganna stand by your side...I'm just ganna, hold your hand tight....I'm just ganna, stand by your side until it's through................... I could say that I love you a hundred times....then I go turn my back on you those words prove to be lies...so I'm not ganna say anything to you....I'm just ganna stand by your side...I'm just ganna, hold your hand tight....I'm just ganna, stand by your side until it's through.

There are so few appropriate words.....and everything that I try to say ends up coming out absurd so I'm not ganna say anything to you....I'm just ganna stand by your side...I'm just ganna, hold your hand tight....I'm just ganna, stand by your side until it's through................... I could say that I love you a hundred times....then I go turn my back on you ....those words prove to be lies...so I'm not ganna say anything to you....I'm just ganna stand by your side...I'm just ganna, hold your hand tight....I'm just ganna, stand by your side until it's through." An amazingly beautiful song I saw performed live by artist Kelli Schaefer.


This song expresses so appropriately how to be a friend in the midst of a crisis. Just be available. Be sensitive to the spirit. Be ready to be an advocate when appropriate.

I am so grateful for the individuals that have walked along side of me for the past 3years. These friends lived out this song. They are still by my side....holding my hand tight....and I trust they will see me through this....however long it takes.

C.S. Lewis

"There is not safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no-one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket --safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is hell." ~ C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves


I was handed this quote from a good friend months ago....she warned me that it might be a tough one to read. It was. I read it and then neatly folded it back up. I have been carrying it around in my daily planner for a while now. Over the months I would occasionally run into the folded piece of paper with my name so nicely written on the outside. I am now in a place where I am able to have this quote open and facing me on a daily basis reminding me to open up. That closing off out of my pain will only kill me inside.

There are holes in my heart.

Don't get me wrong. I do think about the families from our former church that we were closest to. I wonder about their children. I wonder if they are healthy and how this whole madness has effected them and how it will effect their future. But to live out the reality of what has happened to my family, I need to let go. I have tried to imagine being connected to certain individuals (assuming the elephant in the room was dealt with), but practically speaking, I cannot separate the connections, forgiveness aside. I can see forgiveness. I just cannot see reconciliation of the friendship.

I have waited a long time to make a clean and clear cut and quit some friendships. I believe my decision is the best for all parties involved. Some of the best decisions I have made in my life have been the hardest to live out. I have holes in my heart from the loss of some of these relationships.

A friend recently made a comment that gave me a word picture of the reality of moving on: "I hope you can build a big callous over the pain that others have caused you so that it won't hurt so much." I like this so much because it is real. She is not saying. "Forgive and it will be erased." She is not saying, "Move on." She is not minimizing the raw pain. She recognizes that pain is part of my life. I have to say this has been one comment about moving on and forgiveness that didn't offend me or cause me to say to myself, "This person just doesn't get it."

I have chosen to let go and try to only remember the good parts of certain friendships. Certain meals I make, stores I shop at, and personal items that were gifts--they all remind me of the days with those friends, before the crimes against our child occurred. The times when life seemed much simpler. The times before I had to draw a line in the sand.

If you love me, then let me go.

The ripple effect continues into the next generation.....

I should be there to celebrate with you.

But I can't be, I just cannot be. Simply put, this is a ripple effect of actions taken and choices made. Mine included. If you love me, then let me go. Know that I wish your family well, but let me go.

In the last six months, I have had a couple of former friends from our former church reach out to me in different ways. And it hurts. The contacts are well intended but not very thoughtful. Read the blog. Look at my actions. We have had virtually no contact in months upon months. I am not in your life. I have let go. This is what I have to do to move on. I do not know what more I can say to help you understand.

If you know me, you know I am incapable of pretending and I do not think it is healthy to compartmentalize. It hurts when I allow myself to consider every event I could attend. Everything I would have helped with or been involved in if it were not for all the layers of betrayal. I was fully invested. I saw our futures together. It is what it is. I hurt and you hurt. You are dealing with it in your way, but I am asking, Please "If you love me, to let me go."

What can the average person learn from my current struggle? Maybe not to just pretend the elephant isn't in the room. Maybe that some things are so complicated and intertwined that status-quo is out of the question. Maybe that actions can have long term painful consequences that effect future generations.

Maybe simply that I am heartbroken over this reality.

Open Letter From The Grandmother

My mother (Grandma) believes that Eddie Rojas himself reads my blog and has asked me to post a letter to him from her.

Readers,

First to clear the air: unless you have been a victim or like me, have had a daughter and granddaughter sexually molested, you can not know the depth and breadth of the emotions I have experienced.

For the first six months after the 911 call was made by the Schneiders' to report Patrick, I was angry. That anger slowly built into a deep-seated, burning hatred. Hatred toward Eddie, Kathy, Jairus and Patrick Rojas. Hatred also towards Jim and Claudia Cameron and Dave and Becky Barrueto. Some of them had early knowledge that could have saved our family from this horrific experience. All withheld information which inhibited the counseling process for the Schneiders. All withheld information preventing the proper prosecution of Patrick Rojas for his crimes against our granddaughter. Because of their leadership role, the Cameron's and Barrueto's were able to get members of our church to assist them in hiding the Rojas girls from C.P.S. This prevented Patrick's other victims from getting professional Christian based counseling outside the influence of his family. This also has prevented Patrick from being prosecuted for numerous instances of sexual molestation committed against five additional victims.

The last few weeks I've felt my hatred lifting but feel it can only be purged by addressing Eddie directly.

Judy McBee



To: Eddie Rojas,

How dare you use our three granddaughters as bait to test your son; that's exactly what you did.

One small act on your part (stopping Patrick from spending those nights at the Schneider's home) would have prevented the violations of our granddaughter. You knew Patrick had previously sexually molested at least two of his sisters. Months before your sons assaults of our granddaughter, Eric spoke to you about Patrick's regular e-mails to her. He told you it made him uncomfortable for your son to be e-mailing his eleven year old daughter. You knew Patrick was a pedophile and that he "had his eyes" on our granddaughter but you did nothing to intervene. You set our family up! PURE EVIL are the best words to describe YOU!

You, Kathy, Jairus and Patrick are equally and morally responsible for the harm done our family. Let's not forget that your actions also broke up our church congregation.

It is said, "bad kids can come from good families." After reading the copy of Patrick's psycho sexual evaluation my husband requested and received from the prosecutor's office, I know yours is not a "good family."

What kind of parents allow a known pedophile to continue to reside in their home where there are six minor girls? What kind of parents could allow that pedophile to babysit? What kind of father administers corporal punishment to his adult children? How many other monsters have you created?

The elders stated that you fled because C.P.S. would remove your minor children from your home and place them in abusive foster homes? Bull! Some say you fled to prevent Patrick, "a lovely, godly young man" from incarceration in prison. Bull, again! Kathy is still lying to people about the reason her family fled. Kathy states that their family is being persecuted for their religious beliefs. Bull! Bull! Bull! Your motives were much more selfish. I believe you left to prevent exposure of what else really goes on inside your household. Eddie, have you or any of your other sons sexually molested your daughters or your friends children?

Your family has left a trail of deceit and devastation.

With Contempt,
Judy McBee

P.S. My hope is that someone close to you will finally wake up one day and say to themselves "enough is enough," then they pick up a phone and call 911.

Why Do You Still Try To Include Me?

Dear former friends,

I am not who I used to be. I would rather make a clean cut with the life that led to my child's victimization. If the invitation you send to me is for my benefit, then please do not bother. I moved away for a reason. I didn't send a forwarding address for a reason. I'm not your facebook friend. I do not call you. Do you really not get it?

It hurts me more to be your friend than not to be. It's not worth it for me to continue in fellowship with you. It is too hard for me to separate you from the other people that you still choose to fellowship with, or the role you played in supporting the Rojas family or the elders. I realize how selfish this sounds, but I see it more as self preservation.

We all have made choices in this whole madness. I choose to separate myself from the hurt. Please just let me go. Do not feel obligated to invite me to any events. I prefer to grieve the loss of your fellowship and move on.

I Would Trade It All

Eddie and Kathy, I would trade all the meals, child care, tutoring, family game nights, spiritual guidance from you for the knowledge that Patrick was a pedophile. You knew! I would give it all up to have had a choice.

Jairus, I would trade all the handy work you did around our home, your painting skills, the weeding you did for us, if you would have just stopped your brother Patrick from hanging around our family. I would trade it all if you would have just intervened and thwarted Patrick's plan of staying the night at our home. You knew!

General congregation members....I would trade all the meals, times at your homes, child care, financial help, homeschooling help, personal encouragement, holiday gatherings with you, if you would have taken a stand for our family. If you had cut off relationships with the guilty parties once you knew the truth. If you hadn't joined the elders in the cover-up of the truth. If you would recant your letters of reference for an admitted sex offender who victimized my own child.

You had all the information. You knew and did nothing.

All the good deeds seem rotten now.

Is This Blog Still Helping?

I need to hear from you. I believe I have given all the main details to our story in this blog. I can see that the blog has reached many places in our country. I believe that people are looking for Eddie Rojas and his family. I can only hope that Eddie will eventually be turned in to the authorities. I also still pray that the girls in the family that were victimized by Patrick and now by their parents will some day receive the proper help to process and heal from all of what has happened and is still happening to them.

Now what? I am wondering if it is still beneficial for me to continue to process through my struggles and healing on this public blog or if I should just continue the process in my small circle of friends. I am wondering if my process is helpful for the people reading this or if it is just another blog to follow. I am asking to hear from you.

You can simply click on the "This post was helpful" box at the bottom of the post or make a comment. Some individuals have told me they are having trouble posting comments, if you post anonymous I believe that eliminates any issues. If you want to be known just add your name in the comment portion.

Do I throw the baby out with the bath water?

There are traditions and activities that my family misses--traditions that were established during our time with our former church and the Rojas family. I am trying to figure out a way in which I am able to do some of those traditions or activities without feeling sick to my stomach. I want to throw it all out the window.

We were connected with this congregation for five-plus years. My older children were around six and eight years old when we started attending that church. We also had a two-year-old and a newborn. I then went on to have two more children while still attending this church.

With that said, a lot of family traditions were established during this time. Our family was continuing to grow and change. Many memories are intertwined with the Rojas family itself and other members of the congregation that we really don't fellowship with anymore. Church itself has such a negative connotation because of our story.

I start having a harder time around the end of October, as we enter all the traditions of the holiday season. How do I reflect and remember my family's life and traditions and separate out the individuals associated with the memories? This is so hard! I don't want to throw the baby out with the bath water....

Righteous Anger

I had a conversation with a friend that has literally walked along side our family in all of this madness. My friend has an understanding of everything my family has been through. She knows me. She knows my heart. I can talk with her openly about my thoughts and struggles. After our conversation I feel like I have a better understanding of where I am at and how forgiveness fits in.

I feel like I had some sort of a breakthrough this week.

I appreciate that forgiveness takes time. I can appreciate that forgiveness is between myself and God. I understand that forgiveness is required by God. I understand that I am a sinner and that I was forgiven by God. But I tangibly struggle with the idea of forgiveness. If I still feel pain, if I still want justice, if I still get physically ill when specific individuals are mentioned, how can that be forgiveness?

In my conversation with my friend, something particularly resonated with me: the thought that yes, without a doubt, I need to work out the whole forgiveness issue with God. But the negative feelings that I have--the thoughts that come to mind when I consider what happened to our family, the thoughts about what Patrick did, the thoughts that come to mind when I realize Eddie is still in hiding, and the thoughts about all the other individuals that we loved and trusted that were involved in the betrayal--those feelings are righteous anger.

That righteous anger has a purpose. I think I'm learning to be OK with that.

The Cast of Characters

The cast of characters that played villain roles extends beyond Patrick. How do I extend forgiveness to them? The obvious ones would be Eddie and Kathy Rojas. Jairus Rojas is definitely a main player in the game of deceit and accountability. Jim Cameron is in a category of his own. Let's not forget about Dave Barrueto, an elder in the church. Not to mention many in the congregation itself.

What do I do with all of this?

Breathe in...breathe out...I wish if I just spoke the words, "I forgive," all the memories, all the conversations, and all the hurt would be gone. Alas, it's all still there. It does not consume my every thought anymore, but it does continually affect me in my daily life.

Forgiveness....Is it for me?

Forgiveness is such a hard topic for me. Christians commonly tell me that my act of forgiveness would really be for my benefit more than for Patrick's. I'm not sure that makes it any easier.

Once upon a time, forgiveness seemed so straightforward. When I first became a mom, I can remember teaching my children that if someone said, "I'm sorry," the appropriate response was, "I forgive you." It was that simple. Forgiveness meant forgive and forget.

Forgiveness does not seem so straightforward to me anymore.

Forgiveness for Patrick feels to me like I am letting him off the hook. I will never forget what Patrick did to my child, or the tidal wave of change that resulted from his act. I cannot fathom ever wishing anything good for Patrick. I do pray that Patrick doesn't have the chance to ever victimize another child. Does that count?

Anthony Sowell

I am feeling overwhelmed with the magnitude of the problem of sex offenders living amongst us.

Current unimaginable real life story about Anthony Sowell, convicted rapist arrested with 10 decaying bodies in his Cleveland home.....By Ethan Sacks

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2009/11/04/2009-11-04_rapist_with_10_bodies_at_his_ohio_home_denied_bond.html#ixzz0VvM9ZQRl

Another article:

I am afraid of who God will allow in my life

Out of sheer necessity, I have to begin to extent trust to individuals. My mind is my own worst enemy. I find myself questioning the motives of everyone. I can't even trust my own instincts anymore. I am afraid of who God will allow in my life. I find myself taking forward steps, then freezing. Then sometimes retreating in the area of trust.

Trust is given away easily by some. Others need time in order to gain trust. When I extend trust, there is always this little voice in the back of my head recounting all the reasons the Rojas family seemed trustworthy.

When you say to yourself, "so and so is trustworthy for this reason or that reason" well, I could probably apply that very same reason to the Rojas family. By all accounts, appearances and reputation, the Rojas family was trustworthy. They seemed honest, God-fearing, hardworking, generous with time and gifts, loyal, kind and thoughtful. What was not to like or trust about them? I was so completely deceived and betrayed by numerous individuals in the Rojas family. It makes me wonder if I am forever jaded by their ability to appear to be so completely one way, yet be something so completely different. What do I do with that?

Is my only option to completely shut myself and everyone else in my family off from others? I don't like that option. But how do I allow my children to spend time with others and not feel like I am putting them at risk?

After my own experiences as a child and after what happened to my family from within the Christian community, I don't even know what healing in this area would look like. Is this just who I am now?

Waiting

When I am not sure what to do or what to post about....I wait. I am in a state of waiting right now.

The Glad Game

I have some things to be glad about...

I am glad that Patrick cannot legally contact my child for at least the next two years.

I am glad my family has cut almost all the ties with the families from our former church. I know this is hard for some individuals to understand. I know some individuals interpret our separation as hardened, bitter hearts. But those who know us well understand and see the wisdom in the separation. I needed to be free from some of the misguided mindsets. I needed to be free to live out my pain with those who would support me. I needed not to hear about others fellowshipping with people that devastated me by their words, actions, or non-actions.

I am glad we live in a different area now. I am glad for the fresh start in a community, even though it is hard to start over. I am glad my family can start anew. I like to think I won't run into anyone from our former church on our side of the bridge.

I am glad that I have individuals both known and anonymous encouraging me, even thanking me for this blog.

I am glad that the readers of this blog are taking Our Story seriously and forwarding the information on to others. That people all over our country and some abroad are on the lookout for Eddie and Kathy Rojas and their family.

I am glad that God is in control. I am glad to write this blog and bring awareness and understanding as to the effects of childhood sexual abuse. I know I am to use this venue as a way to locate Francis Edward Rojas.

I am glad to know I do not need to make anything happen myself.....God is working.

Psychologically Trapped part 2

By her inaction, Kathy Rojas is allowing her daughters to remain in harm's way.

In no way am I excusing Kathy's actions. In no way do I want to make Kathy look sympathetic. I believe Kathy struggles, but truly believes she would be in sin to go against her husband's wishes. On the outside, Kathy seems strong and confident and as if she is the one in control. I believe just the opposite is true.

I had many intimate conversations with Kathy in the time we attended their church. She was a mentor to me. In hindsight, there are many things that should have raised red flags. For instance, on a seemingly unimportant issue, Kathy would often say that she would need to discuss the issue with Eddie. I'd follow up the next day. Kathy's typical response was that she hadn't yet been able to talk to Eddie. That the timing wasn't right. This would sometimes go on for a week or more. We're not talking about life decisions, but about women getting together for scrapbooking. That sort of thing. Kathy would occasionally miss something all together because "the timing wasn't right." She hadn't been able to quickly run the question by Eddie. She took it all in stride.

It was all part of her mindset that her first call of duty was her husband. I don't disagree with this view biblically, but I do think in this case it was twisted to an unbiblical level. Eddie was the head of the house, period. If Eddie was ever in sin, I think Kathy believed that God would use her obedience to correct him. It is so close to biblical truth, but misses the mark. I remember thinking how glad I was that I could daily talk to Eric about anything. Eddie was no busier than the next father. Yes, he was a pastor and had many children but Eddie literally was a hands-off dad as far as any practical care was considered. Eddie didn't have a job other than his role as pastor. My husband works 70-hour work weeks and was commuting two hours a day. We have 6 children and Eric is very hands-on. I can always run something by Eric or discuss anything with him.

Eddie has a tight control on his family. Pray for the release of the minds of the adults in the Rojas family!

Psychologically Trapped

I have wondered so many times why Kathy doesn't protect her girls. She knows intimately the effects abuse has on an individual. How could she allow her own flesh and blood to be in harm's way for so many years? How could she allow her children to suffer the consequences of being fugitives?

Kathy is an adult. Kathy is intelligent. Kathy runs the family home. Kathy most likely has hours in a day when Eddie is not at home, where she could flee with the children. Kathy could make an anonymous phone call to the police.

I believe Kathy is emotionally trapped. I don't even know if Kathy realizes that she is trapped. Kathy is an adult survivor of severe childhood sexual abuse. My opinion is that Kathy is paralyzed by a combination of things: Eddies controlling nature, Kathy's twisted biblical views, and Kathy's personal history of childhood sexual abuse. For the sake of her daughters, I pray she finds the courage to break out.

Part 1

Restitution

I mentioned in my post "Not Without Manipulation," that something else was relayed through our lawyer to us from Patrick's attorney. Patrick would like to pay restitution. In the Christian community, this is a big deal. Many individuals, especially the ones that believe Patrick is and has been repentant, would consider this to be Patrick's final biblical obligation to our family. Biblically, I am not even going to touch this. I am underwhelmed by Patrick's offer. More than two years later, Patrick wants to pay restitution. It's about time.

How does one come up with a monetary number in this type of case?

What monetary value do you put on a child's innocence being stolen?

What monetary value do you put on betrayal?

Do we count the time Eric took off work to help his family cope emotionally? Do we count his time off work for court dates, or for his therapy to deal with the anger this caused him?

What about my therapy?

What about the therapy for the child that was used to gain access to the victim?

How do we predict future costs of therapy for our child?

Do we consider our moving cost?

What monetary value do we put on a loss of community?

What monetary value do we put on anxiety?

What monetary value do we put on the negative impact this had on my other children?

I am not talking about an inanimate object being broken and the restitution to replace it. I am not talking about a knee injury that occurred in a negligent automobile accident needing restitution.

If I were able to come up with a number, the Bible says proper restitution is seven times the total amount. Should I expect that from Patrick?

Here's a more important question: What about Patrick's sister's that are in hiding? We cannot forget about them or stop looking for their father, Eddie Rojas!! When will he turn himself in for those crimes? When will Patrick pay restitution for his crimes against them?

Not Without Manipulation

We arrived at the courthouse to be greeted by our attorney. Our attorney started apologizing to us because we had pulled our child out of home school co-op and that we had made the trip down. Our attorney stated he heard from Patrick's attorney today and that Patrick was no longer going to contest the no-contact order. At 11:50am today our attorney received a faxed copy of the no-contact order with Patrick's signature. Remember Patrick's attorney is in Seattle. We were due in court at 1pm. This may seem like I am splitting hairs here. That I should just take it and run but before anyone gets too excited over Patrick doing a turn about on the no-contact order and thinking he had a Jesus moment or something I want you to think about it....

Patrick dragged this on as long as he possibly could. It is highly likely that when face to face with his attorney, Patrick was advised he was wasting his money and had no merit to contest the no-contact order we were requesting. That Patrick could spin this to his benefit by signing the order and backing off. Patrick's attorney conveyed to ours how devastated Patrick was for what he had done to our child for the devastating betrayal against our family. Listen to what Patrick does not what he says. If the statement from Patrick's attorney is sincere then why did Patrick ever contest the no-contact order? I am not sure but the red faced angry Patrick from last week that was stating very firmly before the judge, "that he (Patrick) had the right to counsel," and to request a recess to call his lawyer so he could nail a date...to today, where he expresses remorse and wants to sign the no-contact order. Confusing but we will take it.

I am thankful my child didn't have to face Patrick again. I am thankful that my child didn't have to go before the judge again and make any statements. I am thankful that I have a no-contact order in place. But all that is within me knows this was a strategic move made by Patrick because he finally faced the fact he was fighting a losing battle! I will take the win! But I caution my readers not to read too much into all of this. I know that there are people out there pulling for Patrick. I want Patrick to be miraculously healed as well for the safety of young children. I just don't want to be naive! I don't want my readers to be naive as well.

Patrick didn't really give us anything today. He conceded to what we knew we were already getting.

When Patrick names his 5 additional victims and accepts the consequences for those crimes, then and only then will I consider that a heart and mind change has taken place within Patrick.

There was something else passed on to us through our lawyer that I will talk about in another post soon.

Ironic

Benjamin Rojas

“I am sorry to think that you do not get a man's most effective criticism until you provoke him. Severe truth is expressed with some bitterness.”~Henry David Thoreau

When I heard that Benjamin P. Rojas (DOB 9/02/86) was working for TeenPact in their National Offices (Richmond, VA) as the registration manager all I could do was shake my head. I remember thinking how ironic.

TeenPact is an organization that teaches young adults about government and their christian responsibility in voting and making a difference for the future. To be fair to Benjamin, I have been told by a third party that Benjamin purposefully did not want to know what was happening with Patrick, this particular conversation took place prior to finding out all the information in the sexual psycho evaluation. During the criminal investigation against Patrick and his court proceedings Benjamin lived in his families home. During all the years Patrick was sexually molesting "relatives" Benjamin lived in the family home. Remember Patrick was confronted on two different occasions about sexual abuse by his father and disciplined. Where was Benjamin? This family has always lived in tight quarters. I do not buy what Benjamin is selling! After Patrick was first sentenced, Benjamin was a named chaperon for Patrick. Benjamin lived with Patrick for a time just prior to accepting a job with TeenPact. Benjamin has intentionally and purposefully supported his brother while stating that he (Benjamin) didn't know what Patrick had done or what his father (Eddie Rojas) was planning to do or where he is in hiding.

Now come on....where was Benjamin when The Rojas's were packing up most of their belongings to go into hiding? What was Benjamin thinking when his parents and siblings were moving from house to house to avoid CPS and the sheriffs that were coming to the family home and leaving messages on the family answering machine? At this time Benjamin was 20yrs old. He did not need to blindly follow his father. He could have asked questions of the prosecutor and sheriff department to decide if it was appropriate to help his family go into hiding. I think Benjamin can say he doesn't know where his father is because he "technically" probably doesn't know. But I am convinced Benjamin most certainly has a good idea where they are in hiding! I do know that he communicates with his father and family. I have been told that Benjamin has met with his father and some of the family during the time the family has been in hiding.

Do you see the irony in Benjamin having a paid staff position with the TeenPact organization?

What Can I Say...

What can I really say? I went to court today with Eric and our child. Patrick actually showed up again. He is still opposing the no-contact order. Again, Patrick did not have his attorney. We actually have to do this all over again in one week!

I really want to rant and rave on my blog tonight. Can my readers handle my realness? I hate Patrick! His evaluation speaks of narcissistic/sociopath tendencies which are so outwardly being displayed in all of this!

Oh how I wish I could have video taped aspects of today for all the individuals that actually believe Patrick is humble, repentant, and that he is sorrowful for what he has put our family through. When our lawyer approached Patrick to verify that Patrick was indeed contesting the order and to discuss the audacity of such an action. I watched the exchange, which was two pews behind me, Patrick got red faced and stated he had an attorney. Our attorney told Patrick that he had actually called the attorney Patrick named on our last court date on Thursday of this past week and the assistant stated at that time they were not taking Patrick's case. Patrick was indignant that he did have an attorney that just couldn't be at the court today.

Our attorney arranged for our case to be heard early on. We were the third case to be called. Patrick and our attorney did some back and forth with the judge while myself and child stood there. This resulted in our case being recessed so Patrick could call his attorney and nail down a date he could attend court within the next two weeks (per the statute) Patrick stepped into the hall and made his call. Patrick's attorney will be available on the 21st so our case is held over yet again! My child will have to miss part of their home school co-op classes once again. My child will have to face their abuser once again.

Our attorney stated to us this is a slam dunk case and in all his years he has never made such a bold statement. Our attorney can not think of one reason why Patrick would contest this order. I know that my opinion is considered bias but Patrick is clearly just trying to mess with our family. Patrick likes the thrill that this brings. Patrick likes the control he thinks he has over this matter. I know people think it and I hate to say it but Patrick probably wanted to get a look at our child. I hate Patrick! It's real. It's raw. It's appropriate!

The only good that came from the matter today, per our attorneys request, the judge ordered Patrick to pay a $250.00 fine to the YWCA organization for the inconvenience Patrick is causing our lawyer.

Some Of My Thoughts On This.....

I woke-up from sleeping and haven't been able to quiet my mind since. Different thoughts are racing through my head. I think the focus is wrong. In America I believe everyone has an opportunity to hear the word of God. It's on TV, the radio, a church is around every corner, out reaches are everywhere, at schools (Young Life), colleges, fairs, the opportunities to hear the gospel are seemingly everywhere. I don't believe the lack of the gospel is the problem.

The church does have a void in that the church as a whole is not adequately prepared to deal with or manage pedophiles. I can't imagine someone entering the mindset, the lifestyle, and activities of a pedophile for the purpose of "winning" them for Christ or rather "ministering" to them. Just as I can't imagine doing any of that with a druggie or someone that is the abuser in domestic violence. These individuals need specialized medical and psychological help and treatment plan!

I believe God is the one that opens the eyes of the individual.

Pedophiles and rapist can be ministered to in the prison system by the people that are called to "jail ministry." The prison system allows for children to be safe, for the predator to hopefully "meet Jesus" in their jail cell, and those adults called can go to the prison and love on them. If in this environment a pedophile doesn't find Jesus, turn from their sin, and a literal miracle takes place then I would say hope is slim-to-none that they ever will.

If there is such an individual out there that was once a pedophile by definition but is now walking the straight and narrow path with their savior Jesus Christ? Please stand up and be identified. Is there real hope for a pedophile? I do not doubt my God when I ask that question, I doubt the pedophile that would need to turn to my God and surrender their wicked ways!

As I said, I think the focus is on the wrong people group! The real question should be, "How is, "the church" set up to help the victims?" If a victim never tells, they have life long consequences! I believe there are masses of individuals in the church today with unresolved childhood sexual abuse being the root cause that hinders them in their physical and spiritual walk with God. Are our church leaders adequately prepared to deal with such a delicate issue? Are the leaders able to walk a survivor through facing and dealing with the trauma of abuse and all that-that entails? These survivors are the people that are walking around hurting, with trust issues, unhealthy coping choices (over eating, drinking, drugs...) that the church has overlooked! Make the church a safe place to talk about such issues. Make the church a place that holds individuals accountable if they are an abuser.

I will go out on a limb but I believe my limb is on a 1,000+ year old sturdy tree when I say I believe the church actually fosters childhood sexual abuse. That pedophiles actually use the church as a hunting ground and feel quite welcomed in most churches. The church has already been helping pedophiles for years. The church at large has done a good job at giving pedophiles a "second chance" by not reporting their crimes to the police. At large, I believe that churches are afraid of this subject, afraid of making someone feel uncomfortable, afraid of becoming educated, afraid of admitting they don't have the right tools to deal with certain individuals, have mis-interpreted the scripture on forgiveness and reconciliation, don't have any system in place to notify/educate/protect their flock from known pedophiles.

For the church to minister to pedophiles there would need to be adult only fellowships. PERIOD!

Then what is the church to do with the rapists?

If you give a mouse a muffin......

Lawyer

I am still irritated that I had to attain a lawyer in order to hopefully secure a no-contact order for our child. Today we meet the lawyer. I am especially upset because now my child has to play an active roll in this.

A few nights ago I decided it was time to have a serious one on one with this child about what has been currently going on. I wanted to make sure the no-contact order was important to the child since they were now going to be involved in the process of getting one. My child had already expressed a fear that Patrick would contact the child after his probation period no longer legally restrained him from doing so. I hate this! My child in general is uncomfortable talking about all of this and I would rather bare the burden for my child. Even though my child will now be required to discuss aspects of the victimization with the lawyer my child wants to press on. My child really wants the sense of safety that the no-contact order will bring.

I realize plenty of abusers ignore no-contact orders but the legal boundaries that a no-contact will provide does give us a sense of safety. Imagined or not, that goes a long way for a child.

Proactive

The true division of humanity is between those who live in light and those who live in darkness. Our aim must be to diminish the number of the latter and increase the number of the former. That is why we demand education and knowledge~Victor Hugo

What matters to me the most right now is that you, the reader is aware that there is a real and true epidemic amongst you. Not talking about it will not make it go away. Not talking about it will not protect your children.

Have you taken the time to educate yourself on the Darknesstolight website? Have you taken the time to discuss this very important issue with your spouse, friends, pastor, educators, and coaches?

Think About It

What can be learned from Our Story and Her Story?

Often a sexually abused child acts out their victimization on other little children. This can happen at the time of their victimization or as they grow into puberty. This seems to be more common with boys than with the girls. Although there are women pedophiles.

Secrecy only perpetuates the victimization of other individuals.

Childhood sexual abuse can have devastating long term consequences if not properly dealt with.

Pedophiles commonly molest adolescent boys and girls.

Childhood sexual abuse is devastating.

Secrecy in-powers the pedophile.

A pedophile is never too old, where they wouldn't be a potential threat.

Once a pedophile, always a pedophile!

Her Story

A friend of mine came forward recently with her own story of abuse and dysfunction. With her permission I am including her story on my blog. I believe many readers still have a hard time accepting that childhood sexual abuse is in fact an epidemic. Often the pattern of sexual abuse repeats itself through the victim if the victim is not helped. The predator moves on to other victims if not confronted, reported to the police, then serve time for their crime, and then have intense therapy and accountability.

My friends story breaks my heart. So many victims, because of secrecy and manipulation. Keeping this issue in the dark gives the predators power and access to more victims. The issue of childhood sexual abuse needs to be brought to the light and not tolerated on any level! The following is from a personal friend.

This is her story in her own words:

I feel very strongly about doing what I can to support your efforts to find Eddie and his family. I think I told you before that I would share my story with you. So here it is.

My grandfather was sexually abusive towards my mom and her sister. My grandmother didn't believe her. I don't know the extent of what happened to her. I only know bits and pieces. When my mom was newly married and my sister was very little, my mom tried to commit suicide and had to spend some time in a mental hospital. My mom and dad almost divorced. This was a result of the abuse my mother had endured.

I don't understand all that went into my parents' thinking. My sister and I were babysat by my grandparents quite a bit when we were younger. My grandfather molested my sister, but nobody knew until she was an adult. it is weird because I don't remember anything happening to me. He spent a lot of time with me. I adored him as a little girl. He was always ready to play a game or read a story or let me hang with him in his workshop. I don't think there was anyone I loved more.

Maybe during this time he was more fixated on boys. We lived in the small town in Washington (about 530 people at that time) He was accused of molesting boys in the Boy Scouts. He was brought to trial and none of the family that I know of said anything against him. It was like a sick code of silence or denial or something. He got kicked out of the Masonic Lodge. My grandparents left the small town because of the scandal. Other than that, I know of nothing that happened from all that. He got off basically scott free.

I am assuming my aunt and uncle didn't know this, but somewhere in this time my cousin (a boy) was molested by my grandfather. He acted out a lot of sick things on me. As sad as that was, I believe it was of much less consequence than if it had been my grandfather. I was about five years old at the time and my cousin was probably eight or nine.

I remember at that time my parents asking me if my grandfather had touched me. I said no and didn't really understand what or why they were asking. I still remember the first time I saw my grandfather after I learned of what he had done. I was about eight years old. I was sick to my stomach and felt so betrayed! Even though it wasn't me he molested, I felt he had taken away my innocent love and adoration of him and betrayed all that I knew of him. I hadn't at that time connected the fact of what he had done to my cousin to what my cousin had done to me. That was a totally different issue I had to deal with.

At the age of eight, I remember walking home from school in torment, praying that I would not get pregnant, even though it had been at least a year or more since my last contact with my cousin and even though he never did anything that could get me pregnant. I would say over and over "please God don't let me get pregnant!" I obviously didn't have a clue of the birds and the bees, until finally my sister set me straight. She knew and had never said anything to my parents. That was just one way it affected me.

As an adult with young children, I spent all the family gatherings when my grandfather was around on high alert. My kids were NEVER alone with him.

My aunt lived with my grandparents for a while after a failed marriage. She left her kids with him and he struck yet again. I still don't understand her mindset. Maybe she thought my grandfather had changed or that he was too old. It is that mindset that allowed the Rojas family to encourage their son to spend time with your family and wreak his destruction. It is maddening.

My grandfather died never having paid any consequences that I know of beyond whatever shame or torment he dealt with inside. Part of me still has a hard time coming to grips with his two sides. He was in the army and was honored in that arena and was a teacher. He was also a pedophile--at a time where it was so shameful no one would say anything. Your child is so blessed to have parents who are willing to go the hard route and demand justice. That will mean so much to your child as they grows.

Well, this was a little scattered, but now you know why I will keep posting as long as they are in hiding.

After reading that blog of Brian's my heart hurts for what your daughter went through.

Reflecting

I have been reflecting on some of the pivotal decision making moments since the discovery of our child being victimized. I know that it is obvious from my blog that along with dealing with the hurt of the betrayal from so many in my christian family, I have been struggling with my relationship with God. I know God didn't cause these horrific events to happen in my life. But I have struggled with the why didn't God intervene so that the events didn't take place. God is sovereign. I know all the thoughts about God knowing the "big" picture. God working all things for good for those who love and serve Him. (paraphrased) God being the redeemer. I could go on.

I know the personal effects of being a victim. I loved and served God in spite of my victimization. But why my child? Why from within the family of God?

As I reflect I can see the hand of God carrying our family. The most recent tangible example was at the courthouse when I was waiting in the hallway to enter the courtroom, when someone I knew was a lawyer, yet hadn't seen for many years happened to be looking for someone else in the same area I was in. The Tacoma courthouse is very large with many floors. There are numerous courtrooms. Where I was is a very out-of-the way area, yet I still saw someone I knew that would have valuable information for me. I was able to have a quick exchange with her and that is how I learned that if Patrick had an attorney our child was entitled to have an attorney appointed by the courts. At this point I had no reason to think Patrick would be contesting the no-contact order because Patrick was at the courthouse without his lawyer. Even the presiding judge wasn't aware of this particular law. God knew I would need to know that information.

To God be the honor and glory forever and ever......

Why ?

Over the last few days I have been trying to understand why Patrick would contest the no-contact order. I just cannot come up with one reasonable answer. Allowing me to secure a no-contact order on behalf of my child would have been a way Patrick could have deferred to my family and the desire to protect my child. No one in my family has any desire to dialogue with Patrick at all. Our child is fearful that Patrick would contact the child to ask for forgiveness or to try and communicate something else. For Patrick to do so would be purely selfish. I will admit I do not know what Patrick's motives are.

Let me be clear no one in our family has any desire to communicate with Patrick or receive communication from Patrick. His words would mean nothing to us. I wouldn't believe what came out of Patrick's mouth if my life depended on it. He has years upon years of lying and deceiving. Patrick is a calculating well-rehearsed manipulator.

Why can't I just have this one piece of legal paper that states Patrick can not contact my child? This would give my child a sense of security. Why can't Patrick at the very least give us that without contesting it?

A Song .....

"Daughters"
by John Mayer
I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A woman's good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too [x3]

WTF

Again, Sometimes it's appropriate to swear.....

Today was the day I went to court to request a permanent "no contact order" on behalf of the victimized child in my family. I arrived at the court house and was waiting in the hallway with my dear friend, Deb. Debbie was the first to notice that Patrick had arrived. He was dressed in a suit and tie. We didn't notice his attorney. Frankly, I was surprised to see Patrick. WHY would Patrick need to be in attendance if he wasn't going to contest the No Contact Order?

All the petitioners and defendants were ushered into a court room together. No one other than the petitioner, defendants,and counsel were allowed in the room. Our petition was literally the last one to be called, three hours later. We stepped up, swore in, and Patrick started by stating he had hired an attorney (the same slick Seattle lawyer that defended him from the beginning, I don't want to name him and give him free advertisement) and that his lawyer wasn't able to attend because of a conflict and requested a two week temporary extension so Patrick's lawyer could get acquainted with this petition. Patrick also mentioned that his lawyer might not be able to make the next court date as well.

I asked the judge if I should assume this meant Patrick was contesting the petition. The judge stated that I could assume what I wanted but that he supposed this to be true. Patrick stayed silent. I also stated that I had been advised that if Patrick hired an attorney, I was entitled to have a court appointed attorney on behalf of my child. The pro tem judge had to verify what I was asking because the judge hadn't had that request before. While the information was being verified I stood in silence with Patrick about 4 feet away. I couldn't help it.....the tears started to stream down my face. I just kept thinking WHY?.....WHY would Patrick contest our request? It is completely reasonable for us to request a no contact order until our child is an adult.

There are only two reason that I can think of for Patrick to contest this no contact order; to have the ability to contact our child or simply to mess with our family. This order wouldn't put any additional restrictions on Patrick outside of what would apply to our family that he is not already restricted from because of his level 2 sex offender status. The no contact order would give our child a sense of peace and safety. Our child has expressed anxiety that Patrick would try to contact the child.

Are Patrick's actions what you would expect from someone that is remorseful and repentant? Again, I warn you to listen to what Patrick does not what Patrick says!

A Stirring

I had been considering what I would be highlighting in my next few posts and wasn't sensing a clear direction when I received the link from Brian Byrd, The Tragic Case of Patrick Rojas. It took me a full day to even digest all that Brian wrote. I felt Brian was very articulate in what he wrote, he seems to be very passionate about the truth being revealed, and willing to take an active role. The support of this stranger has stirred many emotions inside of me. The greatest emotion is one of thankfulness! I am sincerely grateful to Brian and his family and appreciate the time,energy, and prayer that was put into seeking the truth. I appreciate the risk of negative feedback and judgment he might possibly face for calling out a "brother in Christ" publicly. Something Brian wrote in an e-mail to me was so simple, yet so profound, "It doesn't seem time for soft little whispers."

In general I know there are many people that have said they were praying for our family. I believe the prayers have carried us in many ways. There have been times when I have struggled the most where I have been unable to utter a prayer myself. I am slightly afraid to get excited about the possibility of Brian's web page being used by God to shine a light on the location of Eddie Rojas. The excitement is stirring inside of my spirit. As I have considered my hesitation and mixed emotions it became clear to me that this was something I needed to commit to prayer.

If you are reading this post. If you are a believer in our Lord Jesus Christ. Will you spend some time in earnest prayer over this matter? Pray for the truth to penetrate the darkness. Pray for the location of Eddie Rojas to be revealed to the proper authorities or that Eddie Rojas turns himself in to the authorities. Pray for the little sisters of Patrick to receive the help they must desperately need. Pray that the church as a whole wakes up to the stronghold that the enemy has in the area of childhood sexual abuse within the body of Christ. Pray for a vision or leading on how you can make a difference in this area of need.

Good Thing

Mid July 2009, I received an e-mail from someone who had read this blog. This person, Brian Byrd, requested that I send him a copy of the psycho sexual evaluation that Patrick had taken. He told me he was long time friends with the Rojas's. Brian noted I was a stranger therefor he wanted to verify the information I was posting on this blog. I sent him a request form that he could send to the prosecutor asking for a copy of the evaluation.

I respect the fact that Brian decided to investigate and search for the truth. Brian was getting two very different versions of why the Rojas's were in hiding and what Patrick had done. He didn't just stop reading my blog and believe what he was selectively being told by Kathy Rojas. Brian took his time and contacted individuals and was willing to hear truth even if it hurt to hear it.

Brian a stranger to my family decided he would assist in getting the truth out.(as of 3/11/10 Brian removed his articles) This is a good thing! Having someone that isn't involved in anyway. Who actually has a long history with Eddie and Kathy Rojas, who makes statements such as Brian does on his page, will I believe penetrate a group of people that are refusing to consider the truth in what I am writing because they consider it bias.

Brian thank you for supporting the truth!

The Pressure

looking back....

I didn't realize just how much pressure we were under when we still lived in the same community as Patrick and the elders, Jim Cameron and Dave Barrueto. I am so glad that we were able to finally move away. We are now in the city. I know with my head that we are in an area with a larger percentage of criminals than the area we moved from but the freedom we feel here is un-describable.

Anywhere I went I needed to scan for Patrick or someone that was a supporter of him. It wasn't just seeing them that was the problem. Most of the individuals wouldn't think twice about approaching me and trying to give me a hug or something along those lines. The last time my friend that was very outspoken about Patrick ran into him at the Gig Harbor Albertons (this year), Patrick actually flashed her a smile. He is very aware of her opinion of him, yet he felt it was appropriate to smile at her. She was stunned to say the least.

I am thankful that I never did run into Patrick but there were many close calls. I would hear from someone that they just saw him at one place or another. It would be somewhere we had just left or were heading out to go to. One of my children unfortunately saw Patrick, when Patrick was touring the Gig Harbor YMCA. Despite assurance from the YMCA that Patrick, being a level 2 sex offender wouldn't be granted a membership, our child dramatically halted attending the YMCA.

Someone I saw regularly was Jim Cameron. I actually decided to change some of my routines to avoid seeing him. It was too hard for me to even see him. I still hate him. To think Jim knew in detail what happened to our child and that he knew we didn't know, yet he stayed quiet. Jim actually mislead the detective in his official statement. Jim did all this with such arrogance. To know that legally nothing will be done to hold Jim accountable still eats at me.

First Introduction to Sexual Intimacy

Back to our story...

One of the things that was robbed from my child was learning first about the beauty of sexual intimacy in the way God intended. I hadn't even talked with this child that was molested about sexual intimacy or puberty in any detail. This child was so naive to that dimension of life.

My first discussions with this child about sexual intimacy was about a sexual deviant. I had to talk with this child about twisted individuals who do terrible things to children to fulfill disgusting desires. I needed to explain something to the child that they had no frame of reference for. Their first introduction to sexual intimacy was one of darkness.

Nothing can give back the innocence that was stolen by Patrick Rojas. Frankly, his parents, Eddie and Kathy Rojas are also responsible.

Of course I assured my child that they were not responsible in anyway for what had happened. That in no way was this child part of the darkness. Because of the lack of initial understanding this child is highly likely to have a point in their young adulthood of needing to process with a greater understanding what was done to them.

This is only one of the reasons our family can't "just move on" like some people seem to feel we should do. We do move on and then have to deal with something that is directly related and it throws us back, then we need to adjust, deal with whatever and try again to live life........

Bitterness

expressive of severe pain, grief, or regret <bitter tears>

Am I bitter? I haven't forgiven Patrick or others. I still want to see justice. I am willing to be honest about my true feeling regardless of knowing I will be negatively judged by some. I do not have a defense. If you don't get it from our story on this blog then I don't know that you will ever get it.

I know all the Christianese about bitterness and forgiveness. I also know that living out grief isn't pretty. Really, I believe I am still grieving everything that was done to our family and everything that our family has lost. I really am not one for pity parties but I do think I am forever changed. What happened literally unleashed a personal tsunami in my life.

I see bitterness as being a sin if I was stuck in bitterness. I do not believe I am stuck. I see myself as struggling. Struggling not to be stuck, not to become hard, not to become bitter. I see myself on an honest to God path to healing.

Being Real

I have a hard time saying out loud that 2yrs ago Patrick was sentenced for the crimes against my child. Two years sounds like such a long time ago. I can remember in a session with my counselor, when we were discussing leaving the door open on some of the relationships from the church and with some of the individuals that hurt me by the choices they made in supporting Patrick and the elders. The counselor made an off the cuff remark about two years from then.....I remember giving myself permission to grieve and understanding that this wasn't going away any time soon. But really two years. Here I am two plus years later and this is still a very big part of my life.

Today

It is still hard for me to believe....when I went to the Kitsap county courthouse this morning, who pops up on the sidewalk just in front of me, Patrick Rojas, unbelievable. I kept going but slowed my pace down. Patrick was finishing up at the security check point when he looked up and saw me. I just stared at him. I actually felt numb. No emotion really either way. I know I hate him and all that he stands for but didn't feel anything. This is the first time I have seen him in person since Patrick's sentencing, literally 2yrs ago to the day. Someone wrote on my facebook page today, "life is interesting, ain't it?" That is one way to put it.

After everything, because our family now lives in Pierce county the trip this morning was for not. I had to turn around and go to the Tacoma courthouse and re-fill out essentially the same paperwork. I had to then return after noon to find out if the no contact order was issued. Good news, the court has issued a temporary no contact order and the hearing for a permanent one is soon. But wait, because Patrick lives in Kitsap county I had to run the sheriff's copy back down to the Kitsap county office so Patrick could be served the order. Patrick is scheduled to be served the no contact order and hearing date tomorrow.

This morning after seeing Patrick and finding out I needed to do the same thing just in a different county, I could understand why some people just quit. I wanted to quit. Just tell myself, "forget it, this is too much work and Patrick probably won't try and contact my child." But the still small voice inside kept me focused. Our boundaries need to be legally clear. I need to do everything to protect my child. What if ? I can't live with the what if. This way "if " Patrick for some insane reason tries to communicate with our child we will have legal recourse. It's not much but it's something. Our child told me the other night they were "freaked out" at the possibility of Patrick ever contacting them and the no contact order will bring a sense of control.

Paperwork

This pile of paperwork is what I need to fill out in order to extend the protection order so Patrick can not contact our child in any way. I have to be in court Monday morning (tomorrow) to request the two week temporary extension of protection. Sometime in the two week period I will need to appear before another judge and explain why I want an extension of protection until my child is 18yrs old.

The way this has played out it will have taken me an e-mail that was never responded to, two phone calls to the probation officer, literally, a pile of paperwork and a total of three trips to the courthouse just to make sure Patrick legally can not contact our child while they are still a minor. We hope Patrick never tries to contact anyone of us in our family but we can only legally protect the actual victim. Our system is so hard to maneuver through but I feel it is very important to make it legally clear that we don't want Patrick to contact our child. Remember, Patrick told us he thought he loved our child. As much as I would like to say, "Of course Patrick won't try and contact us." I really don't want to take the chance. It would be devastating to our child if Patrick contacted them via e-mail or some other way.

What About Patrick?

In our particular case, I do not believe the church should be supporting Patrick, because he has chosen not to confess the names of his five other victims. He has made it clear that avoiding additional charges is more important than confession and repentance. His choice to avoid taking responsibility for his crimes has set in motion the hiding of his minor sisters. His lack of confession continues their victimization. Consider for a moment what message that sends to these girls. The family seems to be saying that Patrick's freedom is more important than his sisters' chances for healing.

Patrick used the letter of the law and confessed his crimes, but chose to take his attorney's advice not to name his additional victims to avoid additional charges. Patrick knew without named victims he could not be charged for the crimes he admitted to in his evaluation. The state would need to interview the suspected victims in order to press further charges. All of this was known by Patrick.

Until Patrick contacts Kelly Montgomery and names his other victims, I believe he is still actively choosing to live in darkness. Therefore, I believe the Christian community should not be supporting Patrick, except in encouraging him to confess his crimes and allow his victimized sisters to begin getting the therapy and support they must desperately need. While Patrick's victimized sisters are still suffering because of his unconfessed crimes, he should not be treated as if he is walking in the light.

How, Then

I believe there should be a place in the body of Christ for everyone. In saying that, I am not saying everyone should have the same freedom in the body of Christ.

A pedophile, Christian or not, should be willing to be identified as a sexual deviant in the body if their reasons for attending a church are pure. The priority of the leadership should be the protection of innocence in the church. Not the protection of one individual's right to hide their sexual deviant behaviors. I do not see hiding someone's dangerous behaviors from vulnerable people as loving or Christ-like.

If the church wants to get real about the epidemic of childhood sexual abuse, then the body of believers and their leadership need to start talking about it more openly. Where is the right place for a sexual predator to fellowship? How should their identity be accessible? The church also needs to be realistic about the long-term monitoring that a sexual predator needs.

A pedophile in particular should not be around children. Pedophiles should seek out Christian fellowship in adult-only groups. Even in an adult-only group, the pedophile should be transparent about their deviant behavior so each person can choose if they want to fellowship with the individual.

As far as how to have knowledge if a sexual offender is in a particular church, I have had the idea of having a book that identifies known sex offenders available in the church office. Something similar to the sex offender registry online. If a known sex offender attends, then the offender should willingly allow a profile of their crime and charges to be posted in the book for other church attendees to view. This would be a way to not publicly humiliate the offender, yet would still give the general church population the choice to view the book and decide if it would be appropriate for them to fellowship with the individual. The church leadership would also need to monitor the relationships of the predator to make sure no inappropriate relationships develop.

There is no way to really know with certainty if a sexual predator is "healed." It would be a heinous crime to take the risk and expose an innocent child to a pedophile to test if they were healed. The predator in our case WAS in church. He clearly was not healed, as our child became his victim number six.

Separation from children is a burden the sexual predator must bear for life.

Choice

Speaking in general, I think it is wrong for someone in a church leadership role to determine if an individual convicted of a sexual crime is safe and should be around me or my family. I firmly believe that one of the ways to identify a sexual predator who is sincerely repentant is that the individual is transparent about their status as a sexual predator. I should have the choice to fellowship with the individual or not with full knowledge of their potential danger to me or my family.

My family was not given a choice. Eddie, Kathy and Jairus Rojas decided Patrick Rojas was repentant of his first victims and that he had stopped his sexual deviant behavior. They were wrong. My family suffered the consequences of their misjudgment.

I hope I am adequately communicating my point.

Thoughts

Why do some people minimize childhood sexual abuse?

I wonder if it because they don't really face it and consider in detail what really happens to a child.

I wonder, is it because they are offenders as well?

I wonder if it because they have other sexual deviant behaviors such as pornography and minimize sexual abuse to minimize their problem.

Do they not consider the instantaneous change that happens to the child that is sexually abused?

Why would any adult even consider keeping secret the abuse of a child?

Why with so many victims/adult survivors in our society are-our laws so lenient?

Why does the Christian community so easily allow these predators back into fellowship without much if any real safe guards for children?

Do you realize YOU ARE THE CHURCH?

This is one area where I see the world's standards are actually higher than the christian community. At least the world considers the crime of childhood sexual abuse/rape severe enough that the predator needs to be labeled and identified by picture and approximation of location and posted for the public. A lot of the church as we have experienced thus far feels the predator needs a chance to groom another victim by keeping their crimes secret all in the name of Jesus and the spirit of forgiveness. Am I the only one that believes that thinking is so not Jesus. The "church" needs to get REAL about this issue and protect the innocent first and for most. I believe that is what should be done in the name of Jesus.

Next to murder, I consider childhood sexual abuse to be one of the worst things in life for a child to endure.

Taking A Stand

He creeps into our world once again. It was discovered that Patrick was in fellowship with some individuals at PLU who are associated with the only other church our family has attended (we had attended this church for 12yrs.) We still have a very good friend who attends the church, Puget Sound Christian Center (PSCC.) We also have a history with the head pastor. Our friend panicked at the thought that Patrick would attend her church. She was disheartened to think her leadership would support such an individual. Upon hearing the connection she immediately called the head pastor, Lance Powers, to see if he was aware of the connection. Lance was not aware of the Bible study Patrick was attending with one of the leaders from PSCC on the PLU campus.

I will say, yesterday, when all of this was going on I walked around numb. I was afraid of the reaction Lance would have. I was bracing my heart for yet another blow. Instead, within 24hrs of Lance being called on his vacation, I received a personal phone call from pastor Lance Powers assuring me all ties between Patrick Rojas and PSCC were broken. This is such a redeeming moment. A church leader was willing to take a side. To take a stand. Pastor Lance Powers took the side of the victim.

Lies

All the lies. I think that most of what Patrick says is poisoned by past and current lies. Patrick and his family were hiding the pedophilia behavior and incest that Patrick was involved in for years. Patrick talks about his compulsion to masturbate while thinking about his minor victims in his evaluation. Patrick talked about a time period where he would do this multiple times a day. Would he be doing this before,during, or after church service? Would he be doing this after doing family devotions?

I know it is disgusting to consider Patrick's behavior but it must be faced! Currently, Patrick has individuals that are "supporting him in this season of his life." Christians. Season of his life? This is Patrick's life! The people that scare me almost as much as Patrick are the Christians that believe they are qualified to discern proper boundaries for Patrick. I am referring to the Christians that have no specialized training to work with a sexual predator.

Be warned, Patrick might be in your church, your college community, your bible study. He will be very humble. He will exhibit all the external appropriate behaviors that you would want to see in someone who claims to be repentant. Remember what I have said in previous posts, Listen to what Patrick does not what he says. He still hasn't gone to the state and named his 5 additional victims and accepted whatever charges the state would file. That alone should be alarming to any christian. And in my humble opinion, knowing that should blow all kinds of holes in Patrick's claims to be repentant and changed!

Evil

Evil is no faceless stranger,
Living in a distant neighborhood.
Evil has a wholesome, hometown face,
with merry eyes and an open smile.
Evil walks among us, wearing a mask
which looks like all our faces.

~From the book "Counted Sorrows"

To be an effective child molester one has to have a certain charm about them. When caught this charm along with their lie that, "it will never happen again," more often than not convinces others not to report their crimes.

However slight, if you suspect that someone has had sexual contact with your child you need to report it. Let the authorities sort out the facts. In our day and age it is very hard to have actual charges filled against you unless there is adequate evidence. We need to get the pedophiles on the radar screen.

This post was inspired by my mother.